I am embarrassed to be writing this, but hoping there will be some advice for me..maybe other women have been in my situation. I am now 39yrs old, and have been in a relationship with my guy (he is 41 ...
First off, you need to remember that you are a beautiful woman, regardless what your "boyfriend" says. For someone to love someone so much and to put up with what you have for so many years, I have to give you a lot of credit. Very few would hang in there for so little reward.
However, you will note that I placed the word boyfriend in quotation marks. There is good reason for it. I would have to say that you are not in a relationship with this man. A relationship is a give and take. You share the load of burdens. You reap an equal amount of benefit. And, you have to be able to trust each other to be there when we need them most. I'm afraid to say that you are not in much of a relationship. That means that he isn't much of a boyfriend.
You say that you have given him ultimatums. Perhaps its time to act on them. You need to stick by them. For every time you give in to him and rescind your ultimatums, he will assume he can walk all over you. Some men are like predators, preying on those that have no self-esteem (or have lost it). They are like sharks, sniffing out the blood in the waters. It sounds like he's been circling, enjoying the free pleasure he gets out of you and putting you away when he's done because he doesn't need you anymore.
It hurts to say this because it sounds rotten, but he treats you almost like you were a slave. You help him with his wants or "needs" (like oral pleasure) and he isn't there when you are recovering from a wreck? And THEN he has the gall to say something about your weight??
He's 41 years old and he "isn't ready" to leave his mama's house? I think it's time you think about leaving him behind and finding someone who is considerably more mature...and a WHOLE lot more giving. Believe me, there are DEFINITELY people out there better than him.
For being so loving and patient and tolerant, I know there are plenty of those in the world that will take care of you the way you want and only taking what they give back. I am like that and I know that several of my closest friends are like that. I hope you will find someone more worthy of your love.