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Am I unreasonable to ask for help around the house?

Marriage in trouble. 20 years together, caught husband twice cheating.  I'm certainly not treated with respect and love like I deserve, so I retreat within my self. .  I'm just there, to take care of the house and family and his needs.  My question: Am I unreasonable to ask him to help around the house, to show an effort? because I am off work sick, disability, and he thinks that because I am home all day, that everything should be done, and dinner on the table, and I also do the cleanup. I am tired and I am sick, and I feel like a slave wife. I want a life of my own. But if I go out and do anything for me, the household suffers. Chores are not done.  He gets angry if I ask him to do something..."you're home all day, what have you done, he says in a very loud voice".  I don't know what to do. or is he right? He works all day.  please help.

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hi darlene your hubby sounds a horror,

ask yourself is your marriage worth saving and if so maybe marriage guidence could help. you get one life only, so make the most of yours, will say this bullies dont like it when you stand up to them.

is he worth it?

You are letting him make a door mat out of you. Of course it's not to much to ask, but I ask WHY? why are you still there? You don't get another life to enjoy it's just this one, get the heck out and let him do it all.  I know most women don't have a way to escape, with no job, needing money and maybe fear he will come after you, but my God don't let this man do this to you. I would clean him out on pay day and get on a bus and disappear.

YOU CAN get away.  Stress will cause a disability that you have to worsen.  You will lose the will to live.  Save yourself, Honey...if not by getting out...by getting help.

I know how you feel...like...nothing.  It's not a good feeling.  NO ONE should be made to feel that way.  Life is too short...and too good to miss.  What you take to the other side is what you find there...multiplied by thousands...so find some peace in your life.  You make your heaven...or you make your hell here on Earth.

Find something you can do to support yourself.  Get a good attorney...


Faye Kiss

"A daughter holds your hand for only a short while...but she holds your heart forever."

I have to say this and I've said it to so many others,

The most accurate measure of our worth is how much we value ourselves. When we value who we are, we sure to draw to us others who value us as much. When we are needy, deficient, lacking confidence and self esteem, we will find ourselves in situations and among people that reinforce those views.

You stated that you want a life of your own but the first thing that has to be done is learning how to value you. Next you need to do some house cleaning within your soul, try to figure out do you want that type of life with your husband,,,is the marriage worth hanging on to.. why is it worth hanging on to? see some people use things like.."We have kids together","they can't do it without me", I have to make sure the cleaning and all the house work is done"

All the wrong reason to leave a situation that makes you unhappy.



If you know in your heart that this marriage cannot be rescued through therapy, then take matters into your own hands and see an attorney for some real help in getting out of this predicament. 

    You will never regret taking hold of the situation and making a positive decision.  He doesn't sound like worth staying with.  If he has the disposition you describe, then he doesn't care one whit about you.  Like Shuddupandkissme said, your health will suffer if you stay.  Do yourself a favor and make some real plans for leaving this situation. 

    Best of luck and much love to you.  Courage is a beautiful thing to have....get some...

By no means necessary, should you put your life on hold like that. First of all; re-visit your marriage vows, Through sickness and health; right? Stop pretending the roses still smell like roses. You've grown out of you're relationship. You need to do what's right for you!!! If he doesn't like it; he needs to move on. Picket fence makeovers don't cure a thing!!! This is from a male point of view. Like Goug-E-Fresh said, "Get with a hero, not with a Zero!!" It's time for you to live your own life. Believe it or leave it!

Thank you so much to all of you.  Update:  my husband and I sat at the dinner table, and decided to have a good talk, with mutual concern, and have decided to divorce.    Funny how things happen, today I needed to tell someone, and then at dinner,  it just came up from another conversation, so peacefully and honestly.  Thank God.  We are divorcing.  It has been a long time coming, and the feeling is mutual, and we've tried.  He cannot be the husband I need him to be.  He knows that.   I am 48 years old, who the hell will want me now. Ugh..I fear growing old alone.  Oh well.  Thanks again.

You are younger than I am and if you didn't divorce now, you'd be a year older next year.

I'm 51 and look and think younger and I get hit on ALL THE TIME. Mostly by younger men. Probably because I'm happily dicorced and it shows.

Wait until you feel the weight come off of you - as if you've been carrying a ton on your back for years.  It also takes a long time to learn how to take care of yourself but at least you'll have peace.

Good for you & make sure he pays for all those years of slavery.

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