How can I stop obssesing over the images of my wife and her lover?

Step One is to make her your ex-wife.  Then don't look back.

Tyrebitre , Thumbs Up ,  AMEN !   

Biff , Your wife committed adultery  " The Ultimate Betrayal " .  Do not allow this to haunt you for the rest of your life .  I hope you find peace and happiness .

Unacceptable, she stays, he went.

Unacceptable, she stays, he went.

Then I feel for you:  I truly do  -  been there / done that.   Have you heard the old hard times saying "you made your bed; now lie in it" ?   When you wake up one day severely singed and crispy around the edges, keep in mind you knew the bed was on fire when you lay down in it.

PS:  I'll bet he isn't gone far ; and she knows where he is.

I hope you are wrong, but my guard is up and I am having a tough time forgetting about it.  We have 3 great kids and I think she will stay for their sake and mine, I hope.

Hi Biff ,  I am extremely sorry you are having to go through this .  Since you have decided to stay in the marriage , have you considered marriage counseling . You have your own mental and physical health to consider as well as the mental health of your children .  They may not know the details but I would hazard to say they certainly know something is wrong with the stress , tension , hurt and anger you have towards your wife , all which I understand , am not blaming you for anything. She's betrayed your trust and once trust is gone it is very hard to get back . She is going to have to earn your trust by being completely open to you about her every move .  And even with this you may never truly find peace of mind . May I ask some questions did she tell you of the affair or did you find out about it .  This is important , is she sorry for the affair or just sorry she got caught .  Will she be smarter the next time cover her tracks better , or is she truly ashamed of her behavior . Has she shown remorse has she promised never to do it again .  She committed adultery , seeked the attention of another man , there is a reason for this , not blaming you .  One never fixes problems in a relationship by going outside of the relationship , she should have come to you . Communication , trust , respect and loyality are the very foundation of a loving relationship . Your partner should never be the source of your pain , sorrow or anguish . She's done all three to you .  Having said all this , in order for you to start to heal she needs to be honest and acknowledge that she is aware how much she has and is hurting you .  You can't get the image of her and this man out of your mind , again normal and understandable .   Perhaps some counseling will help you gain the tools to be able to start to deal with this .  Again I am sorry , I feel for you and your children . God Bless All Of You .

I do feel for you, Biff:  I have literally been there.  Equus really goes to the crux of the biscuit when she talks about the differences in how you discovered it and her being truly remorseful.   My ex was very deeply sorry:  deeply sorry that she got caught & deeply sorry that she couldn't keep her BF(s).  She finally split for good 4 years later, and I raised our daughter:  I have no regrets - it was the second best thing that ever happened to my daughter and I.