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Think I might have a mental disorder, and not sure what to do

So, I don't really know how to start this, but I think there's a chance I have some sort of mental or personality disorder. I have never told anyone and have never really told anyone how I have ever felt. A lot of the time I'd rather just be alone than around other people or even talk to people. I recently began doing research online about depression, thinking that it could have been that. I read symptoms and took quizzes and scored what they made sound pretty high and after looking into that more I thought that maybe it could be something more than that. I know it is not good to try to self diagnose or anything like that so I've tried to not do that. I go in and out of times think I'm completely normal and times that I think I'm insane. No one would ever guess I have this other side of me. It feels like I'm living two lives. It seems like I have at least thought of suicide once everyday for like the last four years. I wrote this up real quick and I could tell you a lot more, but I'm not sure if this is the place to do that. I'm just wondering if you have any recommendations of what I should do? There's no chance I'm going to tell any family or friends, but if I do have some sort of disorder I would like to know and would want to know if I could do anything to help it.

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You probably need medical help and we can't give you any, just advice to go to a doctor and talk to them. I first think of a disorder called bipolar, but I'm not the person to tell you this.  You didn't say how old you were so If you are old enough to go to the doctor without a parent then do it.

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