I might sound a little stupid with the question but here it goes! ((please please don't judge me))
Otay... ummm... some guys would call me a whore or say I'm an easy getter, && some of them might be ...
If I read your question correctly, you are still having sex with the two men that physically abused you? Why on Earth would you choose to do something like that? You need to start over . . . . . . . . . . with a clean slate. Sex is only meaningless if you have it with someone you don't love and if you do it for the wrong reasons. So, stop sleeping with the 4 men you are currently sleeping with. Focus on getting your life together. Do you have a job? Do you have hobbies you enjoy doing? You need to work on making the rest of your life happy and productive because a man will never bring you those things. Having a man in your life enhances what you already have, so start working on who you are.
So much of this is about self-esteem and self respect. You see sex as what you have to "pay" a man with for his love and attention. I don't think you feel you have anything else to offer of any value. The problem is . . . . . . . . . men who will only value your body are the very men you want to stay away from. So, you need to work at making yourself a person that YOU value . . . . . . . a person that YOU have respect for, and in doing so you will be creating a person that other people value for what is between her ears and not for what is between her legs. You haven't told us what your living situation is like. Did you finish high school? Did you go to college? Have you taken any vocational classes? Tell us about the rest of your life and maybe we can all figure out a good plan for how to get you to value yourself.
Skitch, I really admire your answer! Yes i graduated high school && I did it in 3 years. I was going to college && I finished 3 years && I have one more year to go but currently I am not currently financially stable to continue! I understand everything you are saying && yes I dont value myself && yes I have very low self-esteem! But I am trying to do what is best for me! I'm starting work again && I am keeping myself very busy, but still I cant seem to stop thinking about everything that has happened in the past.
First of all, change your user name. If you see yourself as Psycho chic, then it is reflected towards others. Start thinking about yourself positively, and choosing a new and positive name is a good start. There is no magic cure for taking away bad memories of the past, Sweetheart. All you can do is not repeat the same mistakes and by moving forward, eventually, those memories will dim. Put your effort into your job and saving money so you can go back to college. Getting that degree will open up better job possibilities where you will meet better people and will, in time, find a good man to be with. Always move towards the positive. In the meantime, stay away form all the men you are presently dating/sleeping with. They distracting you from bettering yourself and THEY are keeping the bad memories alive for you.
Also, if it were me . . . . . . . I would have pressed charges against those men who hurt you. I certainly wouldn't keep them in my life. They don't respect you or care for you and they certainly don't know how to treat a woman. There are better men out there and you deserve nothing but the best!!