Can you help choose your teenagers friends? What ...

unfortunately mom, we cannot chose our teens friends. I wish it were that easy, especially when they are hanging with less favorable characters. The more  you forbid her from seeing these people, the more they will appeal to her and she will sneak around and still see them.  I would be open about the way you feel about her friends and the reasoning behind it. but ultimately, its a choice your teen has to make

Norma is right. "The Wrong Crowd" is family enemy number one. A parent's biggest challenge is trying to control the uncontrollable and what your child does outside your home is an uncontrollable situation. If possible, try to open communication with the "other" kid's parents. Another good choice is to have your teen ask the "other" kids to visit in your home—but make it clear that until trust is established with these friends, it is important that you be not only at home with them during visits, but that you are personally present in the same room with them. Because your child may be at risk, keep your computer in a room of your home where it would be easy to monitor and hard to hide questionable activity. Restrict cellphone use as much as possible, and make it clear that "privacy" is not a right, but a privilege that has to be earned.

Since trust is a big issue for teens, this guideline might help: Let your child know that he/she can earn your trust these three ways, by demonstrating to you (1) DEPENDABILITY—which means, he/she will keep her word and do what she says she will do. (2) RESPONSIBILITY—which means, he/she will do what she NEEDS to do, rather than what she WANTS to do, e.g. she may want to go to the ballgame, but needs to do her homework first. And finally, by demonstrating (3) ACCOUNTABILITY—which means that he/she will TAKE OWNERSHIP of her actions AND the RESULTS of her actions.

I hope this information is useful to you. I have been helping anxious parents for over twenty years now and I encounter such questions often. You are not alone. I will watch this question on Yedda in case you want more help.

Well, my thoughts on this are that you should only try to contol who your teen is hanging out with in school if you know these kids to be trouble makers. You have to ask yourself why you don't like these other kids. Is it because they avoid your presence or don't dress a certain way? Can you pinpoint it exactly? Secondly, if you really don't like the friends your teen is choosing then why don't you try asking your daughter to join a club/sport at school. Also, if you all don't go to church maybe you should try that. Lastly, the most important thing to do is talk to your daughter about issues that concern you, such as the friends she's picking. Although, make sure to do so in a manner that doesn't make her defensive. You may also want to try getting to know her friends a little more.

No u cant but u can teach ur son or daughter who are true friends from the not so good one. Have that trust that u can sit down and talk to them and they will be honest and tell u how their friends are around them.

The best thing a parent can do, is make real and lasting friendships of their own, so a kid can see what it looks like.  The word Frenemy is a foreign word to me.  I have not taught my daughter that her friends should ever be anything but supportive.  I hate that in today's society, women expect their friends to turn on them.  That is not something I am teaching my 12 year old.  She will try to hang out with someone who is "mean" for a while but after a few chances they are gone.  She knows she has more value than that.  I have two best friends, one I have known since her birth and the other I met 23 years ago.  Yes, I have had an occasional "bad" friend in the bunch.  But you have to hope you have trained her well enough that she is influencing them, rather than the other way around.  

I'm 18, and I completely agree with everyone here except Junebug. Even if you know your kid's friends to be troublemakers, your child still sees them in school, and the more you try to restrict how much they visit them, the more your child will lie to your face to continue seeing them. Your kid will resent you more and more and get more and more defensive, which  ultimately results in them respecting all the rules, etc you put in place even less. I've seen this in action. One of my former best friends acts like this (with the lying and stuff.) It makes me want to smack him sometimes. He's so spoiled and disrespects his parents so much, he thinks that he can do absolutely whatever he wants and see whoever he wants to whenever he wants to do it, and f*** what his parents think.

Establishing connections with the parents of the kids your kids hang out with puts you in a position/network of power, since you can work together to put a stop to dangerous or inappropriate behavior. Parents almost universally have the same goals in mind for their child: success, happiness, health, safety, independence (WHEN they are ready for it.) It really is terrifying as a parent when you start not having control over as many things in your kid's life as you would like, especially if your kids do not seem to exercise their ability to make "good" decisions.