Life's too short to be unhappy....

I think if you still love your wife, you should try anything and everything to save your marriage, including marriage counseling. I'm not sure why the first therapist didn't/couldn't help, but I think it's worth seeking outside help to repair the damage in your relationship.

If love is still there then you have hope, but it seems as if you have some issues to work on. One is never too old to look in the mirror and fix some serious flaws. I have to agree with Walter (above) that you should continue to seek out a counselor that works for you -- even if that means trying 2, 3, 4 or 5. Relationships shouldn't be draining, but sometimes they are a little difficult. But I implore you to try to seek counseling for yourself, so that you can have relationships that are strong and rewarding with your kids. Once you find a good personal counselor, invite one of your kids so that you and your counselor can see how others see you. One caveat; don't let a therapist/counselor drag things on too long. If you feel like things aren't progressing and you are being honest with yourself -- sometimes when dealing with personal, reflective issues you may want to resist so don't confuse the two -- then push your therapist to change tactics. Many forget that therapist work for them and not the other way around. Good luck. -- cheers

I think that in almost any situation, some of the blame rests on each individual.  However, looking at the overall picture, I think that you have a lot of things to work on that you're not willing to acknowledge.  Your relationship with your wife isn't the only one that is suffering.  It seems to be ALL of the relationships in your life.  YOU MAY BE VERY HARSH AND CONTROLLING.  You need to consider it.  If all of your children have a hard time dealing with you (and the one you're closest with is the one that doesn't have to physically see you very often), you may have issues that need tending to.  It is VERY HARSH of you to tell your wife that she has "mush for brains".  You could tell her that it really hurts you that she doesn't remember things that are sooo important to you.  You can relay your feelings without turning the argument to personal insults.  You basically told her she was stupid or retarded and I would expect an apology from my husband as well.  That is a very demeaning way of speaking to someone that you love so much and those kind of words may be the exact reason that she is so distant and cold.  Rather than focusing on what needs to change in others, worry about changing yourself.  Whether you continue this marriage or not (and I think you should), you won't find happiness with anyone until your happy with yourself... and it sounds to me like you're not.

Hi Barber,

    I think you were condescending towards your wife.  When you treat a woman like that, she would not like to make love to you because she does not feel respected and treated right.  So if you want to have a harmonious family life, you need to control yourself.  Try to be more considerate, don't put her down.  A little kindness, consideration and affection will do wonders to a marriage.

   Apologize to her and reassure her that you will try your very best not to be abrupt, and rude.  Accept that you made a mistake.

    Show her your love her by actions (hugging, kissing, cuddling and making love).

Take care.

I think that you need to read what you wrote, if your not only having problems with your wife, but the kids as well? Maybe you are expecting to much, being a nag? Life is too short. You not looking to have everything perfect are you? Because that would be a long wait. Take your wife out on a date, reconnect, get back what you both seemed to have taken for granted, what brought you two together in the first place. It is so easy to get a divorce, the cowards way out, it is much harder to stay married. Don't make a decision that you will end of regretting. Plan a get away, just you and your wife, relax and rediscover yourselfs!!

If all else fails...sometimes, love is setting someone free! If being with someone you love is causing the two of you to be UNHAPPY, them you should love them and yourself enough to set them free.

I'd rather be alone than to be with someone and be unhappy. That includes someone I love. I would also rather set my loved one free, than to stay with him if he is unhappy.

Love is not selfish