I have been dating this girl for around 4 months and we are more than perfect for each other. We have tons of things in common, one is photography, and we now live together. We never fight or have any reasons to argue. All of her friends and my friends say that we are the perfect couple. I would love to marry her, thats just how much i care for her. The only bad thing is that her ex boyfriend of 3 years and highschool is a stalker and is really getting bad. He reads her email, hacks my myspace page to read what we say to eachother, now follows us around, calls her and texts her constantly-usualy when he does he does it like 10 or more times none stop, befriended her friends and try to dig information from them about her and us, stares at her photos and obsesses over them. I have told her that the best thing to do is to tell him you are happy and dont want him and she has told him this tons of times. But he tells her he is going to kill himself and makes her feel bad and obligated to call and check on him. He demanded her to let him know when she got home every night before we started dating, and when he found out we were dating he wanted to know every detail. He once walked into her room when she still lived with her grandmother and went through all her stuff, then called her up and questioned her about the stuff in her room that I had given her. He lost it when he found out we kissed and when we had sex he flipped(from reading our personal emails), and called her up and told her that if she needed sexual attention to come to him for that. I tell her that the best way to deal with a stalker is to cut contact off and leave him alone so he can deal with it on his own. Ive read several documents on how to deal with it but she thinks he is harmless. The guy has a bad temper and the reason their relationship ended was because he was realy mean and yelled alot and he cheated on her. The guy seemed to be normal and all of his friends tell me he is really nice, but when it came to her he acted controlling and got upset alot. It upsets me and makes me think that she doesnt love me as much because I know she calls him almost everyday and i read the text messages where he talks about how they were ment for eachother and she will come back to him, and that im a mistake. She ignores most of it but I know it bothers her, and it scares me because usaly things like this doesnt end well. What should I do? Ive already gotten a peace warrent and pressed charges but he still makes contact with her. And what do I need to tell her so she will listen to me and take the matter serious?
She chooses whether or not she wants to be responsible towards and for him. She is not choosing wisely. Here is an example of how she could respond to manipulation. They are on the phone. He- "If you don't do ______________, I am going to kill myself." She- "I want you to know that I will shower and put on clean clothes for the funeral. And BTW, a gun shot to the head is much more effective than pills. Well,l I guess that we won't be talking anymore. Bye" (And she hangs up the phone.) If she wants a relationship with you, as you said, she need to terminate contact with him. She must not respond to any of his manipulative behavior.
Psychopaths are usually well liked. Until they are thwarted. Then all hell breaks loose.
Your GF can choose to be a puppet or choose to be her own person.
I wish each of you well.
Thanks, I agree. but the problem is that she is too weak and cares too much about his well being to be so direct.
If she is unwilling to change, then you will need to consider moving on. If she cannot put an end to their relationship, there are two things:
Breaking off the relationship will be very painful regardless of when it occurs. It might be best for you to enter into a relationship with a counselor to deal with this issue.
My heart goes out to you.
Dear ottke303, wow, you've got a problem! Okay, first of all, your girlfriend is encouraging this guy even if she believes she isn't. Any contact with him other than from a witness stand, encourages him!!! Also, I sense she's young, perhaps even subconsiously enjoying the drama & maybe the idea of two men fighting for her affections. Do NOT disregard that thought, I feel I'm on target by all you've described. I personally, would distance myself from the girlfriend. I know, that's asking a lot out of you, & more than likely you're not going to do it. But I've lived a long time, a LOT of life...how on earth can she be in denial about this guy being dangerous when that was what contributed to their break-up & all he's done since she started seeing you? Only an idiot or someone who's getting a little bit (if not a great deal) of thrill out of all this wouldn't admit the obvious here! She has NO business calling this man for any reason, she's with you. Or is she? Seriously, you need to step back & examine this relationship from a different perspective. As for dude, he's psychotic & extremely dangerous....I will be praying for you as well as your girlfriend. But you cannot make her stop responding to this man, she has to choose to do it because it's the only right thing to do. Bless you, your friend, Trishahearon
every contact she has with him is encouragement. Change phone numbers if he threatens to kill himself then whatever its just manipulation. She needs to see how her actions are hurting you and she needs to choose between the two of you. There is one too many people in this relationship and the ex is laughing at the control he still has on her.
She is the only one that can stop this and if you two are getting serious at all then for the sake of your relationship she has to stop it.
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