Does this sound like someone you want to date? Why or why not?

"I have been a loner for most of my life. I have had very few people in my life whom I would consider to be close friends. I am quiet and very shy in my personality. I consider my self to be very unique, and that has at times made me feel like I do not belong. I am closeted and I have never told anyone in real life that I am gay, mainly because I feared that I would be subjected to constant bullying and harassment. This is also a reason behind me having very few friends; I thought they would reject me. I have never known any other gay men, I would like to get to know some so that I can learn from them and understand how different and similar we are. I hope this site will help me improve my confidence and help me become more comfortable with myself so that I can live a satisfying life, and be able to befriend all types of people.

 

It is hard to put in words, specifically what I am looking for. I really want someone who is kind, considerate, thoughtful, interesting, funny, sweet, sensitive, respectful, and all around a person that I will want to spend time. I am looking for those traits in any person I connect with on a person level. It does not matter if I am just friends with the person or if I am in a romantic relationship with them. I would like anyone I am involved with to have all the traits that I have mentioned. I also want to be able to know that our relationships are strong enough to withstand any kind of conflict and that no matter what there is unconditional support and forgiveness."

 

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Since I'm not gay, not really. But it might be someone I'd value as a friend.

If a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, then that makes me a burning truck filled with TNT hurtling through a rocket fuel depot.

Andy, the best advice I can offer is to be honest. Be yourself, whoever that may be. Dating sites can work but you may find that your best bet is to meet people in person and be open to friendships. Meeting people on common ground is sometimes easier than trying to meet strangers. Take college classes, join Toastmasters, do volunteer work for a group you believe in (homeless shelters, abandoned animals, teens at risk or whatever); the first step is always the hardest.

P.S. If you don't already know it, you might look into www.pflag.org; maybe there's a way they can help you meet other gay men in your area that you can become friends with. Good luck.

Andy I hate to break it you but even though you never officially "came out", most of those around you probably either knew it already or had strong suspicions.

Just from reading your questions I can tell you are very scared of rejection and have very low self esteem. I hope your therapist is competent enough to be working on those things with you, as well as their underlying cause(s). Don't be so hard on yourself. And don't worry so much.

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