My husband and i are newlyweds and have had a great deal of problems before getting married. One of our biggest problems was the interference from his mom and sisters. He thinks that what they have to say about how our relationship is valid, however; my opinion differs. How can i take advice from people that don't won't or have a relationship of their own but will accept a married man at anytime. I own the place that we live in and anytime i tell him that i'm doing something for the place he reports it to his sisters and they have other ways of doing things and he expects me to do it the way that they see fit. If i say i'm not doing it that way or i'm not happy that he goes behind me to ask for their help, when i haven't aask for it, he'll say i'm selfish and gets mad at me. Don't read me wrong, for i am a person that will ask for help in a heartbeat. I'm an independent woman and have been doing things right thus far. What makes this situation more wrong in my eyes is that his sisters are the most conniving people you can meet. The majority of things that this one sister in particular does is illegal. He says that i need to get over things that she's done to me in the past. I have tried and the more i do the more she digs her nails in my back. To me it's as if he doesn't have my interests at heart as long as he has his sisters there to tell him how my life is suppose to be lived. I'm tired of it and i do love my husband but if this continues he has to leave. I'm tired of telling him that this is something that i don't like, so tell me what should i do?
Your husband is not making you his No. 1 priority and your complaining to him does not seem to encourage him to support you. I would suggest you get someone with authority or a marriage counselor to speak to him. A situation like this can only get worse and you have no right to put up with it. You could try to give him an ultimatum but I am not sure he will take it seriously so counseling would be preferable.
I will also say marriage counseling is your best bet.
Tell his family to keep there nose out of your business yes family is important in a relationship. But you as a person can only take so much as they are not givening you a chance as your are suppost to be first not last. And if things dont change around the house and your marriage the only thing to do is tell him to pack up and move in with his family but i dont think things will change for you and this marrage.As you so stated how can i take advice from people that don't won't or have a relationship of their own but will accept a married man at anytime. I own the place that we live in and anytime i tell him that i'm doing something for the place he reports it to his sisters and they have other ways of doing things and he expects me to do it the way that they see fit. My advice to you is i am sorry to say it but get him out and divorce him as he will never change his mom and sisters run his life and always will. Pack up his things and say good buy and dont look back by dowing this you will be wrong to his family no matter how hard you try to do right. But get him out and move on with your life as this is your best bet then file for a DIVORCE and let him have his family and grow up. Like i said he will never change as there are a lot of good men out there who would take a women like you. As a good women is hard to find.
Your feelings, as you explained the facts, are understandable and justified . Your only error, if any, was not forseeing this (as it seems you had the experiences before you married him).
His support of wanting to do things their way over your way in a home you own has to be very frustrating; it would be for anyone I would think.
I agree with the 2 posts above, this is one where you need an independent 3rd party, an experienced professional, to help you work this out with your new husband.
Find a psychologist that offers marriage counseling (in your area, as you might be seeing them for some weeks, make it convenient). A psychologist with a Masters Degree will work, or with a PhD. You do not need a psychiatrist for this kind of family counseling. Instead of quarreling with your husband (and or his sisters) explain it to the counselor and get him there for some sessions to talk it out with the help of the counselor).
Hopefully, when a professional calmly questions him on "do you think that is fair to your wife" etc ... his eyes will be opened and he will gain insight, be introspective and adopt a new attitude of wife first, sisters second and of respect and appreciation of you and what you want (in YOUR HOUSE no less)!
If he does not respond favorably (if he does not come to see how self-centered and INCONSIDERATE he is being and how his view of your role should be you come before the sisters) then I am afraid you might have been too hasty to get married to this boy ("boy" as he is not mature). But, best you cut to the chase on this and get it addressed with a counselor and if it can't be fixed, I think you might be in for a bad time married to such a guy. If he is receptive to going to marriage counseling and if he is open to considering how his behavior might be inappropriate and/or in need of alteration, then you might save the marriage, but you and he will need to have some CLEAR UNDERSTANDINGS and AGREEMENTS to change how he views and handles things and not favoring his sisters over his wife like you described.
Juliet, your husband is more devoted to his sisters than he is to you. Surely that is hard to read, but you already knew that I know. You are tired of this and it is time to get him off somewhere so you can have a good long talk about your future. You don't want to be interrupted. (especially by his sisters). Tell him how you feel about being second in line and that he cares more about them than you and ask him if he is willing to go for counseling with you to save your marriage. If he resists tell him without it you are going to end the marriage (if that is what you want). I hope you don't go on living this way for long. He is married to his sisters and you are the olther woman in his life. Make sure you tell him to pack up and get out; it is your house. I hope he will want to save his marriage, but his relationship with those sisters is pretty tight and he is pretty mature. God bless you as you challenge him to save your marriage. Rob's advice is good also.
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