Seriously Screwed Up!

Yes, you have a problem. I need to tell you this...For your sake, your children's sake, and the sake of your marriage, stop your affair NOW...THIS MINUTE!! Please don't continue with this. Simply tell your girlfriend you need to sort some things out and move along.  You have invested 12 years into a marriage and produced 2 kids, that I am sure you don't want to mess with.  THIS IS THE FIRST AND MOST IMPORTANT STEP...

NEXT...You and your wife obviously need some counseling. There is a reason why she doesn't want sex.  Has she gained weight? Have you gained weight? Are either or you ill? Is SHE having an affair? Do you treat her the way you want her to treat you? Liven up the relationship. Surprise her with kind words, affection, and genuine friendship. You don't need to rush down to the local florist or jeweler..that doesn't buy love. Write her a note. Tell her your feelings. Express yourself! You may not realize this, but it IS possible that you are NOT open with her, which makes her resent you or keep her distance from you.  Believe me when I tell you all of this.   NOW...it is quite possible your wife is unloving and unaffectionate. I have a sister in law who is so mean no matter what my brother does for her.  These type cannot be changed so easily, and sometimes it's not worth it if they are not willing. TWO people have to be willing to work things out; one can't do it on their own!  Have a serious talk with her. Does she want to stay in this marriage? Is she is love with you? ASK HER STRAIGHT UP QUESTIONS and figure out where the two of you are in this marriage.  Not everyone is compatible, but it is possible you two DO love each other under all of this. 

Once again, the girlfriend has to go no matter what feelings you have right now.  You have too much to take care of BEFORE you can have a girlfriend who is "in love" with you. That is too heavy for you right now. If things really can't be fixed at home, this girl will be there if it's true love. (Remember, it MAY not be true love for YOU, but a shoulder to cry on instead. I wouldn't jump into anything myself). I understand you are not happy at home, and I don't blame you.

COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY TO EVERY RELATIONSHIP...I wish you well, and I want you to remember that everything works out in the end with effort.

Hi,

     I recommend communicating with your wife the way you feel, that you are  not getting the love and attention that you deserve from a wife and confess to her that you have turned to another woman who provided you with  your sexual needs and tell her that you love her a lot and would like to start all over again and show each other the caring and the love that you had before.   This is a tough thing to do but I think you must have to be honest and also to be ready whatever the consequence will be.  Suggest to her marriage counseling to save this marriage because you have children who will really suffer from a divorce.

     Does your wife  have some medical problems ?  Does she have pain during intercourse?  Is she in the beginning of menopause?  She may have to see her gynecologist to rule out any problems that are causing this disinterest in sex.

     Have you gained so much weight?  A lot of men, I notice after so many years of marriage, don't care anymore how they look, they develop pot belly stomachs, looking like 10 months into pregnancy, and that does not look appealing. 

    Hopefully, you are going to explore all the possible causes of your wife's indifference and will find the proper treatment for it.  I am sincerely hoping that you will overcome this  problem.  Take care.

i think that you need to be honest with your wife. tell her how you really feel but dont tell her about your affair right away. if you are open with her then she might try better to be affectionate. you may very well fall back in love with her. maybe even counciling would be a good idea. since you have kids you want to try your hardest to keep your family together. as for this other woman i know it will be hard but you can't keep seeing her while your still with your wife. you know its wrong and it just isnt fair to your wife. think of what your kids might think if they found out what you've been doing behind their mommy's back.

Yes you have a problem and this is gonna look bad on you reguardless of reason. You have stepped out on your wife and now have a mistress that is "in LOVE".  Start by ending the relationship with your mistress. She is gonna hurt and you shouldn't be surprised that those words of trust "I'll never hurt you" may change. So be prepared to face the fire with your wife when you end things. Reguardless you should be the one to tell your wife the truth. She shouldn't hear it from anyone else. I would suggest talking with a counsler first  Have someone lined up for marriage counseling before the drama begins.  Your about to get more attention than you really want possibly. Many marriages survive infidelity if you fix the orgin of the problem. If you are truely sincere in wanting forgiveness your gonna have to be willing to take a lot of crap! Emotions  are gonna run high and everyone will be affected but as I said it's really gonna look bad on your part and the heat is gonna fall on you. Hold strong to your love for your wife but express all your concerns openly about the affection your lacking. I wish you the best and Pray your marriage survives.  DON"T HOLD ON TO YOUR MISTRESS. even as a friend  it will destroy you.

Katzzy gave you some great advice: And I would go with it if I were you. You know that it would be a good idea to have your wife have a Thorough Hormonal-Work-Up as the decrease in male and female hormones can play a major role in m/f sexual desire,and can cause relationalship problems

I'm sorry to sound so cold, but I am a wife, and I'm not always in the 'mood' to make love. You've made up a weak excuse to betray your Family.

Since you have already taken it upon yourself to commit Adultry, (Cheat), don't be a coward about it.. tell this woman who agreed to spend (her life) with you.. "For Better or for Worse, Richer or Poorer, through Sickness and in Health, until Death do you Part".. and then who bore 2 children for you in this Wedded Union.. that you can't keep your pants on! and that you have sex with other women!   Let her make an informed, intellegent decision about her health, and whether or not she wants to stay Married to someone like you!  Maybe she would like to find somone else too!  And just think about it,  if she gets rid of you, you will be free from your commitment to be a decent husband, (which of coarse you've failed at already) and then you can go be treated like you want to be treated... until of coarse the new girl gets tired of you too! Then start over again! And again!  Lots and Lots of Hot Sex for you! Right?!!  Obviously you've already made SEX more important to you than anything else, the least you can do now is let her know that.  Wouldn't you want to know if she was taking her pants off for other Men behind your back? 

                                                                                                     My parents split up over infidelity when I was 13 years old. It nauseates me to this day.  My Mom had 4 Kids and ended up completely alone. Why in the hell do people like you get Married if your main priority in life is your Ego, and Sex?   The only concern I can even hope to conjure up for you, is how in the hell are you going to be able to make it in the world as a Man, when you have the mantality of a 16 year old boy!     I really feel sorry for you Wife.

Seriously screwed up is right , and excuse me something bad as already happened . Stop committing ADULTERY is the first thing you do .  Your marriage cannot be healed while you are  an adulterous .   You have a wife and 2 children you love .  What do you think the effects of this MISTRESS is going to have on them ,   I assure you it will not be good .  You went outside your marriage , you betrayed & disrespected your family .  Do you ever consider that you could give  your wife a STD one that could maybe take her life , the woman you say you love and the Mother of your children , you think you feel guility now .  You and your wife need to start marriage counseling immediately and quite frankly I do not understand why you did not suggest this before you decided to go out and get a mistress .  There is always some reason a wife does not have a desire to make love with her husband .   Something is wrong , is there a health problem , does she not feel loved , does she not feel appreciated , does she still love you .  Sex with us women is mental it starts in our heads .  Are you sure your wife does not know about your mistress .  Something else you better think about it what if this mistress of yours decides to go to your wife and tell her everything , she says she will not do anything to hurt you , but you do not know that for sure .  Something else in your question really bothers me   " I feel I am only here to help with bills and children " .  First of all they are your Children also and it is your place as their Father to help take care of them ,and support them , this is not something you should do looking for a pay off from your wife or anyone else , you are their Father .    I hope you save your marriage .

I think you should stay with your girlfriend,because when your wife finds out what youve  being at behind her back,you are going to need some where to stay.You dont love your wife,you are living in a fantasy,having the best of both worlds.do your kids a favour now and finish with your wife. be honest for a change come clean