My 53 yr. old boyfriend takes care of his 91 yr ...

u sound like a really cold person I bet your mom died alone in a nurising home

You are absolutely correct in your desire to finally get married. Your boyfriend is also correct in feeling responsibility for his ageing and demanding mother. BUT life must go on because that is the naural run of things. Your bf must meet with his sister and tell her that he has done as much as he can and she should either take care of her mother or agree to move her to a nursing home. Otherwise your lives together will have no meaning and no purpose. Keeping his mother in his home is no longer acceptable. If your bf refuses then you should leave and look for a better relationship; this way will lead to a dead end for you and him.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion but some are not worth the screen they are printed on and I'd put guru's comment in that catagory.

After reading your post several times to make sure I understand your situation, my question to you is why not get married now? It's common for married people to take on the added responsibility of caring for an elderly parent, so if you had been married before he took on this responsibility would you have divorced him?

OK, your life would be less complicated with this responsibility but that's not where you are. Since you've had this relationship for 3 1/2 years why not get married and have this same relationship until she passes? It's not a perfect world so if he's the right guy for you, and you're the right girl for him, don't waste this opportunity. Remember the vow, "for better of for worse".

It is a problem wih no good solution. Nobody is wrong. At 91, she's entitled to be grumpy and demanding, and your boyfriend is doing the best he can to be a good son. Don't put pressure on him to choose, it only makes things harder for him. This doesn't mean you're wrong, either. You're not. You're just in a situation which is very difficult.

You might ask him if his mother would object to having a home health care provider come in now and then to give him some time off. NO ONE, not the best person in the world, can stand up well under those kinds of demands for care for a long period of time.

Hello losing patience.

You knew that he was caring for his mother when you first started dating him so what is different now  after a few years ?

Except you sound demanding also but you are not 91.  Is ther a little jeaslousey there?  Shame on you.

  His mother raise him and put things on back burner alot of times for him,  now it is his turn. 

 I give him thumbs up big time for not being selfish and putting his mother 1st.  My mother lived with me 

 ( 30 YEAR )TILL SHE WAS 91 AND " I GOT TIRED SOMETIMES " BECAUSE I AM HUMAN,  WITH ALSO 4 KIDS TO RAISE ON MY OWN.

 With no help from mom's  other kids.  When my children got older that also help their grandma till she pass  and they and me were right there.  I would give anything if i could just have another hour of waiting on my mom.  I miss her so much and she passed in 1993.

If you get married & is no reason you cant ( except you ) i pray that you are nice to mom.  You 2 go out by yourself, even if its just a walk,  and get a sitter,  you can get them for kids and elders   if her mind and body is still ok for some things why would you want to put her in a nursing  home  ?                 

       You are very lucky to have this man. & MOM

God bless and take care of mom with love 

Nanadee  

The Judge Says: Your boyfriend is a mommy's boy.His mother has a 53year indentured servent.If might be time for mom to hit the nursing home.Everyone should love their mother but he shouldn't  let it consume him.Maybe he licks the need to be needed!

Losing Patience,

    You have a very good man.  He honors his mother.  You should feel lucky that he is a responsible man.  If I had a man like that, I would keep him and never thought of breaking up with him because of that.  I think you are a selfish woman.  How about if you are the one in his shoes and did not understand????

    I think you should find another man.  He deserves an understanding and selfless woman.

HEY YA DB LADY......  YOU GO GIRL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  EXACTLY WHAT I TOLD HER............MAYBE SHE COULD FIND SOMEONE ( THAT DESERVES HER )    _ SELFEEEESSHHH'S .     LOSING PATIENCE.....YOU FIND SOME ONE ELSE AND SEND THAT GOOD MAN & MOM  TO FLORIDA.......WE GOT LOTS OF WOMEN THAT LOOKING FOR A GOOD GUY LIKE HIM. 
TAKE CARE DB LADY
GOD BLESS
NANADEE
 
Losing Patience,
    You have a very good man.  He honors his mother.  You should feel lucky that he is a responsible man.  If I had a man like that, I would keep him and never thought of breaking up with him because of that.  I think you are a selfish woman.  How about if you are the one in his shoes and did not understand????
    I think you should find another man.  He deserves an understanding and selfless woman.