Hi, I decided to write, because I'm confused about my relationship. I know there may be much more serious and complicated issues than mine, but I'll briefly explain it. My boyfriend and I, we are together for an year and few months. We have a long distance relationship, but we see each other every 3-5 weeks. Recently, I discovered he cheated on my with his ex. Before that happened, when we were talking and he said that for him it is not impossible to love more than one person at a time. He said he had 3 serious relationships in his life (I'm the 3rd) and he loves us all, although he is with me now and loves me, that doesn't mean he doesn't care for his gf before me. He said it was his mistakes, he does not have an exact reason why he did that, but it was not me or our relationship, it was his issue. I suggested if he still loved her he might have not ended this relationship the way he had to, and he said he thinks I'm right. He told me all is over now and he does not love her anymore, because she used him and etc.He said he has always loved me and will always do.I read my emails and the time he cheated he continued saying how much he loves me.We even made some plans for our future. I am confused what to do- should I stay and give one last shot or not. I will appreciate your response. If you need more details, I'll write you again. Thank you.
I am a hardliner on infidelity . It is a character flaw as well as disrespectful . He made the willful choice to betray , hurt and disrespect you . It isn't the physical miles between you that is the problem it is the emotional miles . I would never be with a man whom I didn't trust and respect . The best way to predict future behavior is to look at past behavior . Your partner should never be the source of your pain , hurt and sorrow . He wouldn't get the chance to betray & disrespect me a second time . You deserve to be loved ,respected , protected , valued and cherished . You have none of this from this man . The world is full of good honest , faithful men your boyfriend isn't one of them . Don't settle and choose wisely . I'd kick him to the curb
When two people love each other and are committed to each other, then he should not be saying he loves previous girlfriends. He is trying to get you used to the idea that he can love three woman at once - meaning that he plans to cheat in the future. He is explaining to you why it is OK to do so. It is not OK and I think you already know that. You just need the courage to dump him and move on.
I agree that his character seems flawed, but I do believe people can make serious mistakes yet recover from them. However, given the fact that yours is a long distance relationship and your boyfriend seems to adhere to the 'love the one you're with' mind set, I don't know that his is a 'mistake' which can be rectified.
On paper, it certainly seems as though calling it quits may be the smart thing to do. But we don't know your boyfriend and we can't gauge his sincerity. If you truly believe that he understands where he went wrong and means it when he says he loves you and won't cheat again, then you have a decision to make.
In fact, I suspect you've already made it and what you're looking for by posting your question here is validation. So whatever path you choose, good luck to you.
To forgive is something amazing, but you should ask yourself is he worth the trouble? Sometimes people can recover like others have said but he has to be totally straight with you. If you feel you can't believe him, than you'd be better off.
You know how they say, once a cheater, always a cheater. But such generalizing is awful although it has certain truth to it. If not truth then solid statistics support. I won't give you an advice because you need to decide for yourself. Just don't rush into any uncertain decision you might regret later.
I am not expert in relationships. I just can tell you about my previous experience. My boyfriend and I were for sometime living in different countries due to our professional compromises. We loved to each other and our relationship was strong enough to survive any distance, or at least I was thinking in that way. However, he cheated on me and I am not sure if was once or several times. We got married one year later. We both were engaged with our careers. See to each other from time to time was romantic, exciting and an eternal honey moon...but not a truly relationship. At that time, I knew several years later, he was cheating not only with his ex-.wife also with colleagues and other woman. He had a strong need to reaffirm his masculinity?, that still was attractive or young?, I do not know today what he tried to confirm or reaffirm. What I can tell you is that then and later was painful; a constant anguish; and as you say- right now not know what to do...be fair and give him a second chance?!. I did and did not work. I married him and was not much better or different. But that was my experience. There is not reason, advice or anything that change the fact that " Is your choice" and you are the only one who can decide what is the limit based on your expectations, your goals, your dreams as a woman (alone or in company). Try to see yourself from outside (I know that is ridiculous when is your problem or worry). But try to see yourself as another person who is telling you with more details (those that only you know) and think...what will be your best advice for your friend-yourself-
Sometimes we need to be little selfish. Think only in ourselves. You know what have been your relationship in all this time. You know who you are.
Best wishes and kind regards,
I would break up with him give him time to figure out what he wants if he really just wants to be with only you hell come back. no one deserves to be cheated on.
A long distance relationship is not in your favor, especially with someone who could not be trusted in the past. I would put some distance in the relationship. Tell him you want to take a break from it, even if you don't want to. Then see what he does. If he immediately goes to someone else, he's very weak and can't be trusted. If the relationship has some strength, it will come back together. Time will tell. I do believe a person can be trusted that makes mistakes in the past. But they have to prove themself and they have to earn the trust again. He would have to really work on this and show you something different. For now, I think you need to give it some time. I was in a long distance relationship before. It was so sweet because we treasured the time together. It was always fresh and fun. But it's not like a normal relationship. The time together is like a party. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. But it's not an every day reality. Later, I moved to where the man lived and moved in with him. I wouldn't do that today because my vaues have changed. But when I moved there, I realized he was very immature emotionally. Even though I adored him, and we both cried profusely, I left. You cannot really see everything about a person as long as you live in different cities. Give it some time. If you two continue to be drawn together, one of of you needs to move. More than anything follow your gut because our guts do not lie. Don't be weak and don't be ruled by your heart. Use your head because you want something that will work and not some flakey, sometimey thing.
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