All of my life I've been havng the sam problem with all of my relationships. I mett a guy, he is crazy about me,he always calls me..and each time I become paranoic that he is cheating me or lieing to me and I leave him..he gots back..I leave him...until he gets bored of it and finds someone else and then I go crazy and chase him all the time. Sometimes I also cheat on him,because I think he is cheating on me. I ahve to add that I am a very popular girl that always gets guys, but somehow I can never have a healthy relationship in which I feel good and safe. My father left me when I was 4. Please help me Serena
Serena.You don't trust men. That is probably dew to the picture (paradigma) you have in mind (from your dad). Any good relation is based on 4 pillars: Trust + Openess + Communication + Respect. If you can't trust men you'll never be able to build good relations. You must attent to it !. The sooner the better (Get some proffesional consultation !).
OranD has given you excellent advice. It sounds like you would benefit by seeing a therapist and getting to the root of the problem, which is a trust problem because your dad left you at such an early age. Life is funny that way. What tragedy happens to us never leaves us entirely, we simply learn how to deal with it. That is what you need to do in regard to this problem. Once you learn how to not let that old wound hover over you, things will turn around. But that is a skill you need help in learning.
Sigh dear you are far from being alone many millions of people male and female have the same problem as you. We learn from our environment and our parents how to relate to one another. It is indeed a learned attitude.
If you had a father that cheated or a mother that cheated or siblings that cheated or never witnessed a relationship with boundaries and limits and love then you just can not relate. And if the relationships you did witness were questionable then so you will be and rightly so.
You must not project onto the men in your life the personalities you have encountered but you must accept each humanbeing for what they bring to the relationship and trust is hard to come by and sometimes and most of the time actually it is easier to run than to hang around.
I know..........trust me.
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