Recluse in Italy....Help me get my ex boyfriend out of my head!

Lostinitaly, Buford gave you some good solid advice , take it and move on with your life . Thumb up Buford .

I agree moving would be your best bet. You need to get away from him so you can live a normal life without having to be reminded of him daily. If moving is not possible, try putting more effort into your current relationship. Sometimes we hold ourselves back without even realizing it.. focus all your attention on him & don't worry about your ex. Remind yourself of why you left him instead of thinking of the good times. You know you deserved better or you would have stayed with your ex.. allow yourself to find better & move on.

Thank you to everyone for answering my question. It really helped me to hear what total strangers thought of my situation. You are all very smart and very kind. Take care and I wish all the best for you all.

Imight differ abit with my collegues here.for one you can't love someone without being friends first.secondly you can't just let go something you cherished for a long time with just a glance.it would take time.even if you travel without you letting it go,it won't help.and by burning or discarding ecverything you shared won't help either,but those are my own views,To me the best way to deal with this issue is to go back to where it started,FRIENDSHIP.If it were me for example i'd gather courage and meet my ex,straighten things out,lay my cards on the table and discuss the matter to finality.The reason am saying this is because when you started out with him,there were three major things that brought you together,(a)friendship(b)liking(c)love.Putting all this into consinderation,the only two things that i see you have done away with are love and liking,but your friendship is still there and very strong for that matter.that's why you can't let it go.

So for you to have your piece of mind and be able to love 100% again,is to let this friendship go.how you may ask?you already know what you want,found someone else to love,to achieve this you ought to meet your ex and iron things out.that way he will set you free and you will be able to love again.no need to move away or discard the things you shared coz after letting it go,everything will go to the archive for a good memory.Hope am collet on this,but i stand to be collected.

Thank you for your reponse, but again you are way off.  All you suggest would be good advice if my exboyfriend were a normal and sincere person.   But he is not.  Over the years he has proved to be a wonderful liar, emotionally unavailable and not a good friend and above all cruel.  I know your advice is sound, but of course, you don't know the person we are dealing with.

I feel that the my problem is that I was the only person truly in love and did not hear (or just didn't want to hear them) any of the obvious warning signs and just believed the lies he was telling me.  I believe I'm just another case of a woman having low self esteem and being bewitched by a handsome man when she always thought she wasn't that great looking, so when he wooed her she ate it all, hook, line and sinker.  I did not look at his history of being a grown man of 39 years of age and having a history of dead end stories and cheating on is girlfriends and being a pathalogical liar (just like his mamma).  It's very complicated....but the more I analyse the situation the more I see that it is me with the problem and in three simple words it's called Low Self Esteem....with some other cultural and environment related ingredients that worked against me.

There is always some sort of adrenalin rush in "the hunt" and again in the wondering and getting sick over "where is he, and who is he with now, and why hasn't he called, and why is he late again?" crap.  But at the end you're just left with nothing....just lost time.  And that's all I did with this one is lose lots of precious time.

No more.  I have a wonderful new boyfriend now, and I am going to do things differently and base this relationship on true friendship, respect and compatibility, NOT just hot sex (NOT love making) and good looks and believing lies.

I learned a valuable lesson, very late in my life, but at least I learned it now.  Thanks again to everyone who responded to my question.

I'm healing...it's going to take a little bit of time, but at least now I'm a little bit smarter.....no let me correct that.....I was always smart, I just got blinded...by a handsome man who knows how to play women.  I wont fall for that crap again.  I just have to trust and believe in myself more and be less insecure.  I will succeed.

Ciao for now.

I hope this note makes some sense, my fingers can't keep up with my thoughts.

Have a wonderful day!

Good. Some of the fog is clearing. After a breakup, a little time passes and your mind has a chance to sum things up. Only now can you see the bad in this man. Before, you were taken by his looks and the hot new relationship, ignoring all the bad things he put you through. Next time, look for those signs early. The late arrivals, where is he, why won't he call...all that means is PLAYER. In a relationship, you should feel calmness and contentment, not anxiety and worry or insecurity. I hope you are with the right one now. Just be careful that its not a rebound thing to get your mind off the player. Then YOU become the player. Life is interesting, huh?

Yes, at times I have lucid moments...that's doesn't mean that I'm not still hurt and angry...very angry, it comes and goes...it would go more easily if I didn't live in the same tiny village as the ex. There is another problem I have.....maybe you can help me out. I'm having a hard time feeling comfortable in my own house with my new boyfriend. Out of my village and out of my house I feel great, totally at ease. But when he comes to my house, I feel like it just doesn't fit, I think it's because my ex used to come here most evenings and we would watch tv together and be intimate together...and also because he lives only three minutes from my house. It's like his spirit is in my house and it makes me miss him all the more when my new boyfriend is in my house. I know I have a problem...big time...cause the ex wasn't good to me and my new boyfriend is the nicest person around, a really good person. I dunno....ya think all I need is time?

I still think time is the key here. Those feelings are normal...very painful but normal. It's like a heaviness in the house. You look around at things and you can still feel him there. He must have really had an impact on you. Sometimes all you can do is put one foot in front of the other and keep repeating until one more day has past. Its not quick. It will still linger for a long time, but one day you'll notice that he has not been in the center of your thoughts, every minute of the day. Eventually, you will go an entire day without thinking of him. When that happens, you'll know you are starting to heal. How is the new man handling all this? It's good that he's there for you, just be careful with HIS feelings. It will be a fine day when you slowly start breathing again. When the pain and feelings of loss start to subside. Right now, its unthinkable that it could happen. Trust me on this. I've had more than my share and each one seems like the end of the world. I can now look back on all of them and smile. The pain is gone. I still remember them, but they no longer have any power over me. And that will happen with you. I promise it will.