I've been a victim of sexual abused, thu i couldnt ...

HI! Crying Shadow;

Being a male most people don't seem to know that we get raped too. I was around your age when my childhood friend and I were orally raped by an old neighbor man. It didn't make much of an impression upon my mind at that age, but then everyone say that gender rape of any kind will have lasting affects upon a child. However, That is if you want to live within that past, bad, sexual experience. I chose not to do that,and have been the giver and the taker in homosexual relationships through out my 81,years on Mother Earth. And over those many long years I have come to view human sexuality as neither black or white ,but I see human sexuality as being more bisexual than heterosexual in nature. You also have fallen into the self-blame- game, when it wasn't your fault whatsoever. And until you accquire a healthy self-love you will never be able to love another person. So you can do one of two things, live in that past sexual abuse or you can just count it as something beyond your control and move on with your life.

You are absolutely correct.  You will need help in solving this problem. 

Try to see a doctor soon and have him/her guide you through.  They may send you to a specialist in the field. 

 You can overcome this yourself, but with outside help it will not take as long. 

 For some reason you have not been able to let the past stay in the past.  You are bringing it along with you as you proceed down the path of life.  Your past belongs in the past and the events that happened belong to the perpetrator and not to you. 

 Until you realize this yourself, I think you will continue to suffer in unnecessary ways.  Child molestation can be managed in adulthood and a rewarding future can be yours, but you will have to mentally heal.  It sounds to me like you will need help in the healing process. 

thank you so much for the very helpful insights, i am very positive with God's grace that i will be healed eventually,thu only time can tell...i am trying my best to the to find a solution available.so,

i made my first step towards healing which is overcoming my fear, i tried to be in a relationship,i am on it.i passed.it's done.

 2nd step: building trust, i am trying my very best to trust,so,i disclosed my dark past to him, but now another problem arise, REJECTION, i think my hope is starting to melt.

what happened is i am in love with my friends former boyfriend, but my friend left him deeply hurt,i stood as a friend to him offered my shoulder to lean on til i wake up one day my naive feeling of friendship developed into something more deeper. i am falling in love with him. i jump into it without thinking so not to entertain the fear that starts to creeps in. i am too sensitive perhaps that every little detail of his body language matters to me it's telling me that there is something wrong, i can see in his eyes a love without feeling, so instead of me focusing on my own healing i turned my attention to help him instead, to help him overcome his fear which i pressumed like mine, the fear of rejection. without my knowledge his been with someone proir to me without telling me, he's been playing behind my back. now, i am tore and broken how can i trust somebody again? it is so shameful for me to go out and see the sun.i dont have the courage to continue what i've started (my steps towards healing) pls. i need your advice.

Sorry that I didn't get back to you sooner and I won't waist your time or mine finding excuses, I don't have any. Perhaps, If one is raped at an earlyer age, the age of unawareness,such as I. There is a different sort of trama for that person for the rest of their life, bet it would be nice to hear what a shrink has to say about early childhood rape, not only pertaining to females but also males. Me I grew up in a household with a crazy, insanely jealouse mother who thought that my father "F''ked every woman in town. Then when into a home for boys where mostly females ruled the roost,guess it is no wonder that I have never jelled in male to female relationships, But have always had a stronger attachment for men, as they were more understanding than the early bitchy women that help to shape the child into the future man. So as I see it, It took me a whole life time for me to figure out that those early, formative years were the bases for bisexuality,that I couldn't or didn't want to see. Guess, Us men fall in love with our penises, more so than women fall in love with their vaginas, and this difference help us to overcome early childhood rape. Perhaps, You too need to fall in love with your lovely vaginal flower, your vagina, instead of hating it, for to hate any part of your being is to hate all of yourself. So I would say that your healing first must come from within in a renewed sense of self-love, then and only then will you find the self-healing that you want and so baddly need.

to all the people who shared their benevolent thoughts and concern thank you so much from the bottom of my heart.