Hi, I am 40 years old female, Indian...myshubby is ...

First, ask yourself "what am I getting out of this relationship other than unhappiness, insecurity and concern about his adultry (past, present or future)?" and then ask yourself "why am I staying in this relationship?"

The only answer you had was "but thinking abt my son i am just quiet..." so I ask you how is your son benefiting from your unhappiness and etc.? In most relationship questions there are three things; what are the problems, what are the effects, and what is the solution. You have covered all three in your post and I'll restate the last one below;

"many times i feel liek leaving and goign off..."

I know how difficult it is to leave a relationship, even a bad one, but you know the answer and my advice is to take your own advice. Your relationship is on it's way down the tubes and when he finds his dream girl he is gone, so beat him to the door and find a guy who will appreciate you for what you are.

Hi,

   I completely agree with what Gary said, one thumb up to him.  I think that your husband does not love and respect you.  Please leave him and find someone who will love you the way you are.  I'm just curious, is he perfect physically?  I really doubt that.  Don't ruin your whole life because of him.

Take care.

Hi,
You received 2 great answers (thumb up, each).  As it is there is no reason to stay.   Try to fix it (good marriage counselor) and if it fails get out of this lousy marriage (painful as it be).....  You sure deserve more than that !.  
Best regards,

I am not a psychologist, but according to what you have written I would say your feelings about his time on the net are true.  Unfortunately, some people do get addicted to the Internet.  The simple reason I believe is that you can be anyone or anything you want on the Internet.

You can paint yourself to fit any one's dream person.  There is a country song that describes this so well.   Here it is:

I work down at the Pizza Pit
And I drive an old Hyundai
I still live with my mom and dad
I’m 5 foot 3 and overweight
I’m a scifi fanatic
A mild asthmatic
And I’ve never been to second base
But there’s whole ‘nother me
That you need to see
Go checkout MySpace

‘Cause online I’m out in Hollywood
I’m 6 foot 5 and I look damn good
I drive a Maserati
I’m a black-belt in karate
And I love a good glass of wine
It turns girls on that I’m mysterious
I tell them I don’t want nothing serious
‘Cause even on a slow day
I could have a three way
Chat with two women at one time
I’m so much cooler online
So much cooler online

When I get home I kiss my mom
And she fixes me a snack
And I head down to my basement bedroom
And fire up my Mac
In real life the only time I’ve ever even been to L.A
Is when I got the chance with the marching band
To play tuba in the Rose Parade

Online I live in Malibu
I pose for Calvin Klein, I’ve been in GQ
I’m single and I’m rich
And I’ve got a set of six pack abs that would blow your mind
It turns girls on that I’m mysterious
I tell them I don’t want nothing serious
‘Cause even on a slow day
I could have a three way
Chat with two women at one time
I’m so much cooler online
So much cooler online

When you got my kind of stats
It’s hard to get a date
Let alone a real girlfriend
But I grow another foot and I lose a bunch of weight
Every time I login

Online
I’m out in Hollywood
I’m 6 foot 5 and I look damn good
Even on a slow day
I could have a three way
Chat with two women at one time
I’m so much cooler online
Yeah, I’m cooler online
I’m so much cooler online
Yeah, I’m cooler online

Yeah, I’m cooler online
Yeah, I’ll see ya online

ONLINE LYRICS – BRAD PAISLEY Song Words

I do not know your husband like you do, is he some how portraying himself to be more than he is to people he does not know because of insecurity?

Look at your marriage, if you are not saying we, instead of you or I then the marriage has not developed to the "one" state.

Sometimes we make the wrong choices in life and we perceive a person we think we are in love with according to that perception.  You need to sit down together and talk about all the things you loved about that person originally, and maybe figure out together how you lost it.

If it is truly lost or never was, then it is time to face the need to separate.  A child living in a house without love according to statistics is more damaged than a child without parents together.  You are giving the child, the wrong perception of how a marriage should be.

I wish you happiness in the decision you both make.  Turn to the Lord he knows more than I do.  God bless you with his knowledge.

hi whirlwindflower,

thanks for such a big reply ...but u know what..i love him..when i ask abt most of his time spending on internet..he says "just for fun, only sometimes...I am not very serious abt it....etc etc"....and he says he loves me...but i really dont know ...when i ask him more abt it..he will say " i want some time for myself also for whatever i want to do"...thas y i dont take it seriously when its once in a while...but when it becomes too much i feel bad......

sap, you are the only one who knows the true extent of your feelings about this matter unless you are in denial, which occurs frequently in difficult personal situations. In your first post you made comments regarding his behavior and its effect on you which sounded very real but in your last post you seem to be justifying his behavior and minimizing its effects on you and your son. There are particular phrases which would seriously concern me so if you are now saying that the following things are really not all that bad I would suggest you are in denial;

"atleast 3-4 nights per he wouldnt sleep till 3 or 4 a.m."

"i really dont know what to do..ia m going mad..."

"i feel he is ready for a fling if he gets a chance or i dont know whether that also has happened"

"i am really feeling dejected in life."

I'm not suggesting you leave him but to continue on like this and even consider marrying this guy with these traits would be a mistake. I hope you don't mind my follow up note but I felt it necessary to say this to you.

Sap, Sap, It is obvious that you are not ready to leave this man no matter how bad it is.  So be it but get yourself into some counseling and perhaps a support group and explore further what there is in your background that would make you comfortable with this jerk. 

I deduce the following from your mails

• You appear not to leave him at any cost
• Your priority is to get him out of this habit
• You have tried out all that you could

My suggestion to you are the following:

• Convince him to get a counselor's help-surely you should
• Have a heart-to-Heart talk and tell him how it is affecting you, ur child and the marriage
• Reach out to common support systems that both of you have ( This only an Indian mind will appreciate- and do it only if the support systems are strongly bonded).

Don't just walk out before you exhaust these options.