I have been married for almost 18 years and we have two children 9 & 7. My husband and I have been very happy until 7 years ago when he said I betrayed his trust! He dislike my sister [over some money problem] and he did not allow me to go into business with her. Becos in network marketing if I go under my sister it will benefit her, and he strongly objected to it. I needed the support of my sister and I went under her anyway. As I see it this is my business and he shouldn't interfere. When he found out that I lied to him 6 months later he was very angry! He even threatened divorce! He said I betrayed his trust and that he'll rather I had an affair than choose business over him? He was so crushed that he cried for a month when he was away at work [off shore drilling] He later told me it was because he knew he was loosing me! After that he became a hard person, angry and sarcastic. For three years I endured that hoping that he will forgive me. Then he told me he had an affair! I was devastated ofcourse, I trusted him completely. The next day we were leaving for a vacation to Spain, and over there we tore down the walls between us and started pouring our hearts out. I was in love again and the holiday was like our honeymoon! When we came back, he went to meet this girl to end the affair. She is half his age and work as a singer in a bar. He sent her back home to her country and promised to support her in her studies. He sends her money all the time and everytime she asked for it, The affair continued. He has to secretly meet her up before he comes home from work when he was offshore. I found out once and we had a big fight. Each time he said it is over but it never was. Then last January he told me that the girl was pregnant from him!! I was devastated! He saw her in October. I told him he has to choose. He can't have his cake and eat it too. He wanted to spend some time with the baby before coming back. So he agreed that there will be no contact but just financial support. When she gave birth to a full term baby in march, obviosly it wasn't his? [6 mths?] Later the DNA test confirmed negative. He was very crushed from this betrayal. Recently he went to break up with her, I guessed he feels like a fool, being used by her, cheated , lied and betrayed. He said he was naive and now he is very dissapointed in life? He has turned into a hard person again. He just told me the night before he left for work, that he is not happy with me and he can't go on like this. We have to do something about us, or get a divorce. He would also like to stay in the house if we divorce? He said he has lost the magic for me since I betrayed him! He cares for me but has no passion. As for me I was really relieved that this time around the affair was really over. And I was looking forward to having my marriage back but now this sad news! I am a forgiving person, and I don't hold grudges, infact he should be happy that he still has a family behind him after all that he has done to me. His big problem is he can't let go of his anger, or forgive me. He will recalled threats I said many years ago, and he will be angry with me over things I said to him before. He harbers his anger and do not communicate with me. I told him before that I cannot read his mind. He is a very good father and he loves our children dearly, and I believe in a family unit. He is now away for a month at work, and this is a good time for us to reflect . One positive thing about this sad news is that he is honest about it and is willing to talk. Instead of going for another affair, at least we can thrash our problems out now. When he is home, he stays for a month as holidays. It usually falls on the childrens holidays and we will go for a short vacation. We are always happy on holidays, and when he is offshore we communicate almost daily through email or when he phones, he sounded happy. So it is very hard for me to know how unhappy he is. Can we still save this marriage? I still love him. He is happy being around as a family, but do not love me. He is a very caring and a compasionate person. How do I bring out the man I married back? If we divorce he wants to stay in the same house for the childrem? I do not know how to deal on this? He said after two years [before the divorce is final] if we are still together then we will be together.
