When do you stop hating your mother for poor parenting by allowing physical, mental, emotional and sexual abuse by her, sibling and relatives?
First, allow me to say how sorry I am that you were traumatized as an innocent child by those people closest to you, who should have protected you. This is truly difficult to understand, but some people are just mean and take advantage of the innocent and weak, and some people are just ignorant and pathetic. I can certainly understand your feelings toward your mother....The ONE PERSON who should have PROTECTED YOU! She failed you greatly.
Please seek out a good Therapist/Mental Health Counsellor! If you cannot afford one, the County you live in will provide you with one thru the Mental Health Clinic funded by the County or State in your City. Sometimes their fees are based on your ability to pay. But please get help to work thru your feelings, so that you won't turn out like those who let you down and abused you. Sometimes we perpetuate the pattern of abuse by not addressing it.
Please know that every woman who brings a child into the world is not perfect. Some don't even have that "Maternal Instinct"; and some do not value their child as they should, nor protect him/her as they should! These women are to be pitied for their ignorance and failures as mothers.
Please work on this issue with a good Counselor/Therapist so that you will be a better man....a better husband...and a better father to your present or future children. May God bless you richly in the years to follow. You deserve many good blessings, my dear friend!