Can you stop hating your mom for enabling abuse?

It is always recommended to find a therapist to talk about your situation. When you are able to understand your parent or if you can never condone what they did, when you can forgive them, or try to leave it behind you and be strong and healthy -- in spite of the poor beginning, you may stop hating.

When you understand that some of the strongest people also had terrible situations in their childhood but overcame it...then you may start to have confidence, and know that it is who you are now, and how you treat people and handle life's problems now that make you a healthy adult. Therapy can really help you. And if you don't like one therapist, keep trying, until you find one who helps you.

You change it to pity for her instead ..feel sorry for her for being so beaten down herself by this vicious group...feel sorry that she was soo pathetically ignorant of another's pain...feel sorry that she couldn't protect a part of her which means she can't protect herself..know that you had to be a role model for an adult and you were more human in feeling the pain than any of the others....be happy that you learned about protecting others even though it was by suffering yourself, be thankful that you realize  true empathy for others and most of all be praising God that you are not like any of them...

First, allow me to say how sorry I am that you were traumatized as an innocent child by those people closest to you, who should have protected you.  This is truly difficult to understand, but some people are just mean and take advantage of the innocent and weak, and some people are just ignorant and pathetic.  I can certainly understand your feelings toward your mother....The ONE PERSON who should have PROTECTED YOU!  She failed you greatly. 

Please seek out a good Therapist/Mental Health Counsellor!  If you cannot afford one, the County you live in will provide you with one thru the Mental Health Clinic funded by the County or State in your City.  Sometimes their fees are based on your ability to pay.  But please get help to work thru your feelings, so that you won't turn out like those who let you down and abused you.  Sometimes we perpetuate the pattern of abuse by not addressing it.

Please know that every woman who brings a child into the world is not perfect. Some don't even have that "Maternal Instinct"; and some do not value their child as they should, nor protect him/her as they should!  These women are to be pitied for their ignorance and failures as mothers.

Please work on this issue with a good Counselor/Therapist so that you will be a better man....a better husband...and a better father to your present or future children.  May God bless you richly in the years to follow.  You deserve many good blessings, my dear friend!