psychology

I am so confused. My boyfriend and I met in ...

I am so confused. My boyfriend and I met in Thailand, he's from France and I am from South Africa. I agreed to him leaving his country to live with me in Bangkok. We had known each other 2 months and decided to live together. He didn't get a job and things were so difficult. Eventually my contract ended and we went back to our respective countries. Now he wants me to live with him in France. I feel guilty that he has sacrificed so much to be with me, and now I am too afraid to tell him I am not sure of the relationship.... He has spent so much of his savings and I feel so bad that I can't think straight. I feel moving to his country means a greater commitment than I am ready for. It means putting money down on a flat and it also influences where he chooses his job. He has such strong ideas and is difficult to talk too and I feel manipulated and misunderstood. On the other hand I am bad at expressing my feelings and needs. What must I do? I can't sleep and am going through a personal crisis. On one level I love him, on another level I resent him (for his dogmatic way of thinking and controlling behavior). At the same time he can be so loving and affectionate. I crave it because I never got it growing up. Please help.

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3 Answers

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belinda Answered:

Baby girl if you have to think about it this hard it is not for you

Posted 2 years ago

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uticamelissa Answered:

I say this relationships are give and take he probably had the same feelings you have now when he left his home to be with you. Talk to him tell him how you feel cause right now I'm sorry to say it you are being quite selfish and unfair!!!!!

Posted 2 years ago

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OronD Answered:

Hi Maria,
Hope I can be direct and don't need to dugarcoat my words. You MUST TELL HIM THE TRUTH. I know it is is not easy, but it is a must. As you have difficulties in expressing your feelings, prepare it in writting, make 2,000 rehersals untill you know it by heart. Don't go to France and don't do anything against your intuition. You are right: Going to France means you are committed ("the bird enters the cage") and it will be very hard to be freed from it. Tell him that you don't feel sure yet and only if and when you are sure about your relations, only then you'll feel prepared to move to France. If you do so you throw the ball to his court and make him be responsible to make you feel "ready" for it. Above all: Tell him exactly what bothers you (about his behavior) !. Don't hide it !. Monie bang weis (if I still remember my Afrikaans) !.
Best regards,