Do people with bidets have less stress than people with the regular, outmoded toilets?
In a double-blind porcelain controlled study it was found the the bidet owners had a significantly higher level of stress, P>.023.
The authors postulated that the increased stress level was due to bidet dysfunction, resulting in spraying water all over the subject's pants, leading to high levels of ridicule when leaving the restroom.
Garey CE, Schwarzman AL, Rise ML, Seyfried TN. Bidet Related Stress: An Overview. In: Nat J Plumb. 1994;6:426-31.
Well that's a load off my behind.