Posted 2 years ago In:

parenting, parents, learning impairment, adhd, education

Why are parents in denial about their kids problems?

My sister has provided child care services for 35+ years. She has seen it all, so to speak. On quite a few occasions she has mentioned to parents that she sees a problem in their child’s behavior or development and in most cases the parents refused to believe that a problem existed. Why are parents so reluctant to believe someone with so much experience?

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gary999 Answered:

Several possibilities come to mind, one of which is that they may not agree that your sister's observation is a problem and (or) they may think that her experience does not qualify her to make a judgement such as this. For example, I recently chatted with a very nice lady who just got custody of her niece and she's having terrific problems coping with ...

I'm sorry JQ, I just couldn't resist. How do you feel after receiving Yedda input?

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"I've heard you're a low down yankee liar!"

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fatherof5children Answered:

Parents want to think they know what's best for their kids. When an outsider says something, they feel threatened and their only way of saving face is to deny the outsider really knows what's going on with the children.

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Children are God's gift to the world...

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jkgrandma Answered:

As each individual is different, so is each family.

Thus, your sister may be coming at things from her point of view whereas the child's parents may be looking at it from an entirely different angle.

To clearly illustrate this, look at the parenting columns you may find in your local newspaper.

In my area, there are two columnists who appear on alternating weeks.

One is very touchy-feely, suggesting parents should make life smooth for the child and bringing everything to a psychological level.

The other is very matter of fact, suggesting the child is responsible for his or her actions and parental guilt or angst is unnecessary bull**it.

That makes neither of them wrong, per se. It just means they hold different beliefs as to the best approach.

Get it?

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Turn off the television and teach your children how to think. ~ Believe none of what you hear and half of what you see. (B. Franklin) ~ I do not respond in Comments ~ Trespassers will be eaten. Cowards, idiots and spammers will be shot on sight. ~ Ask a Yeddai

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nomorepbreaks Answered:

Some parents go into denial when confronted with development of their child's behavior.

When you deny that there is a behavior that needs correction, you take the monkey off your shoulders (so to speak) and continue to do things the same.

Most parents don't appreciate other people telling them how to raise their child. It may be the way that she approaches the parent and communicates too.

Say something positive about the child first. What is the good behavior?
Then state where improvement is needed (talk about the problem) and how to best acheive the end result you are looking for.
End by asking the parent for their opinion and ideas. Bundle it together, so it seems as though it was the parents idea.
Thank the parent for their time and state you look forward to meeting with them again to discuss the results on xx-xx-xxxx.

I hope this is helpful to her. My sister was a teacher, so I fully understand her frustration in communicating with parents over behavioral problems.

Blessings,

nmpb