Neutered husband

It's been a tough few months. My 38 yr old husband had a motorcycle accident and lost a leg and his genitals.  His testicles were crushed and his penis burned by gas, though the tip of it was salvaged.  The urologist/plastic surgeon stitched the tip on what remained, with the hope of extending his penis with another surgery. (There's more penis inside of him that could be brought out).  How he stitched it on I don't know, there was nothing there.  So now all that my husband has is the tip of his penis, not even a scrotum, no testicles.  He can get an erection, about one inch, but it's just the tip, that's it.  After six months I tried to get him to have sex and he allowed me to try, but after a short time of trying to use his little penis, he got upset and stormed out of the room.  I've tried telling him that it's alright and have encouraged him to have surgery, the urologist told us that they could make him a replacement penis, but he's not interested.  He was using HRT (hormone replacement), but he says that only makes things worse, so he's not using it.  He is more calm and he doesn't get angry.  The other night we cuddled and he cried watching a movie.  I felt closer to him then ever before so for me, this has been very positive.  Our relationship is better than ever, but he's still frustrated at times.  I don't need a big penis for pleasure and I told him so, I even told him that millions of people (women) don't have penises and they can get sexual satisfaction, but he didn't want to listen.  O.K. so should I give him more time?  Should I encourage him to get surgery?  Should I try to arouse him in another way, if that's possible? I don't know what to do.

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Dear Beth,

My husband has a similar condition, he was in Iraq and an IED blew up close to him.  A piece of shrapnel cut off some fingers and damaged his thigh.  Another piece punctured his abdomen and destroyed his right kidney, but according to him the worst part was losing his penis and testicles.  They were mostly blown off.  His penis was partially reconstructed, but he has no testicles.  He can get an erection, but it's maybe two inches and he was a lot bigger.  His ego is crushed and he's not cooperative.  He lays around a lot and though the military has done a lot of rehab for him, they couldn't give him his penis or testicles back.  I've tried repeatedly to have sex with him, but he's not interested.  As you said though, there is a positive side to this, he's more caring and more loving, though not sexually.  Sometimes he seems depressed.  I only wish he would try to have sex, I think he would learn to enjoy it.  Hope this helps.


You are doing everything right and should be commended. Your husband should go for counseling to help overcome his fear of going through a surgery that he fears might not restore the penis. Once he overcomes the fear he should be encouraged to go for the surgery.

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