Why did my neighbor plant all those habanero peppers?

Back in 2008, my neighbor planted his five acre property with habanero peppers and has been tending the peppers with what I could call a vengeance.  Every day he goes out there and cackles that, "It will serve him right," and puts on more fertilizer.

He harvested the peppers when the first frost hit us, and stuck them away in plastic 55-gallon drums, to ferment and intensify.

I thought he was making super duper screaming hot pepper sauce until he got a few cases of medicine tubes that were marked Preparation H. Then he got out a still and concentrated the juice down to something nearly lethal.

I asked why he put that fuming hot crud in the tubes and sealed them.  Then he counted out exactly 536 of them.  He said one was for every member of Congress, Senator, and the large one was for Obama. 

I'm sorry, he said Obatty.

Then he started laughing and asked if I wanted to buy his property cheap, because he said he was moving way out of the country and changing his name.

The weirdest thing he did was to label all the tubes and mail them to the Senators and President.  Then he drove away, cackling almost uncontrollably.

Two days later, I heard that half the US Government was screaming about some (blankety-blank) Republican who had a sense of humor and can you wash out this crud Doctor!  Or something like that.

So, why did the Secret Service show up as I signed the papers to buy the property?  Why did they hand me cases of very good champagne and say I was their hero?

I tell you, people are getting weird lately!

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Man, what is it with people this morning?

LOL!!!  Too funny.

Kiss

"A daughter holds your hand for only a short while...but she holds your heart forever."

Don't give up your day job.  For a joke to be funny, it has be somewhat believable.  I knew from the 2nd line that you were fabricating the whole thing.

I thought it was hysterical!  Too bad most people can't laugh.  I mean, one of the first things a politician has to learn is that he will never need Preparation H: they are perfect assholes!

However, now that I think about it, the idea has merit . . ..

When you are up to your ass in alligators it is too late to remind yourself that the original task was to drain the swamp.

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