Need help

Hi,

     As I was reading your question,  I thought that you are such a very nice husband to her, treats her nice and acts like a gentleman.  I do think that there are not a lot of men out there who shows that kind of attention and caring for their wives.  So your wife is very lucky.

    Both of you are 47 years old.  I have a hunch that your wife is on pre-menopausal period and I think she needs to see a Gynecologist to test her hormonal levels.  Another suggestion is for both of you to consult a marriage counselor so she will have a better understanding of your dilemma.  Perhaps, you both need to see a sex therapist or a good sexologist.

     I would like to suggest for both of you to buy a book called "Proper Caring and Feeding of Husbands" and also the "Proper Caring and Feeding of Marriages"  The author of the books is Dr. Laura Schlessinger who is a well-known psychologist and marriage counselor.  You can get those books at the Barnes and Nobles.  You need to read these 2 books together.  It's very helpful for couples experiencing marital problems.  She has also some radio programs on the AM radio and they are usually aired in the different States.  Hopefully you are in the U.S.  Her website is: www.drlaura.com.

  Other  possible causes of your wife's  sexual indifference are:

1.  She may be upset with you about something that you have done consciously or unconsciously.

2.  She may be interested in someone else( hopefully not).

3. Stress from work if she works out of the home.

4.  Financial worries( possibly)?

5.  Getting bored with the usual routines in sexual intercourse, perhaps you need to be more imaginative and creative.

6.  She may have some medical problems or emotional problems

7.  Depression

8.  Drug addiction( less likely)?

   Please try to find out the reasons why she changed her attitude to sex.  You need to have an honest  open discussion about the things that are bothering her.

    Take care and I hope you will get into the bottom of this.

Dogbreeder - I appreciate your swift reply, advise and suggestions. 

Previously, my wife did had periods of depression and is currently medicated.  She is stable now and leads a normal life other than what I have described.  When I had talked to her about it, she basically told me that this is the way she is now and if it is not satisfactory to me, then she could pack a bag and go to her mothers.  I love her and don't want that to happen. 

I have mentioned marriage councelling before and she did not express an interest in that.  Bringing up intimacy just upsets her so books/counselling in that area are out of the question.   

I used to brag to freinds, co-workers, etc. about how wonderful our marriage was . . . Not anymore . . . I desperately want things to get back to the way they were but don't know how to get there.

 Again, I appreciate your reply.

Hi,

    I have another suggestion.  I think this will help her regain  her sexuality.  If you can convince her to see a Gynecologist to check her hormone level specifically the progesterone level,  most possibly that will be the last hope.  Women  who have progesterone deficiency causes them to lose the sex drive.  The Gynecologist could confirm this with a simple blood test. Progesterone supplement will help her regain her libido.  This will improve your sexual life.   Both of  you are still young to be deprived of such pleasure.

Why don't you convince her to give it a try?  Take care.

Dogbreeder -

If this is the problem, would it also cause her to be affectionate towards me in the non-sexual areas as well (hugging, kissing, holding hands, I Love You's, snuggling, etc.)?  Please remember that the sexual part is not the only problem.

It sounds like you are very educated and experienced in relationship/marriage realed problems and accompanying advice.  Are you a councellor?  Maybe I need to convince her to correspond with you and let her tell her side of what is going on in her life. 

Thanks again.

Hi,

    I am a Registered Nurse and I love to read books on relationships.  I wanted to be a psycholgist but I became an RN instead.  I have studied Psychology and Psychiatry before.

   I think that will also improve the way she reacts to you.  Give it a try, she can't lose.

    Yes, she can e-mail me and we can correspond.  I don't mind helping.

Take care.

Dogbreeder -

Thanks again.  I appreciate the help.  Even if things do not improve, it's nice to know that someone out there in cyberspace took the time to correspond with me concenring my dilemna.  That in itself is a help.  I think this is what God has called you to do.

 Take and God bless- 

Good Morning,

    I hope that your situation will improve.  It must be difficult living with a loved one who does not show love anymore.  Come to think of it , you had a good 24 years spent together through thick and thin and you know  in your  heart that she still loves you only could not show it whatever the reason is.(which I think is worth exploring).  You just have to be patient hoping that one day she will be her old self again.  By doing the things you are doing for her, that shows unconditional love and I'm sure you derive happiness too.

     I work in the hospital as a Labor and Delivery as RN and I always help people everyday and I love it so much.  I love this Yedda website because one can help others in a different unique way.  I also met(wrote) very nice people through this website, very nice decent compassionate people.

    Today is Sunday and I will try to go to Church and you and your wife will be some of those people I'll pray for.  I know that God does wonders if we only are humble enough to ask for help.  I have witnessed God's benevolence and mercy throughout my life.  So please keep praying too that everything will turn around  for the better for both of you.

    I love your nickname madlyinlovewithmywife and it says it all.  If most men are like you, being patient, loving and caring, we will have a much better world with a lot lesser number of divorces.

    Well, nice meeting you and it was a pleasure meeting you through Yedda.  Give my regards to your wife and please take care of yourself because God loves you.

God Bless,

Rina from Washington State

Buy Soul Passion by Valerie Washington. Read True Meaning for Loving You. Tell her your love labor is a job completed infinity to love her.

Valerie Washington- Author of Soul Passion.