How do you leave a marriage; with a sweet daughter ; without breaking her heart?

I recommend two things: Couples counseling and mediation.

Couples counseling will help the two of you work things out and learn to communicate so that even if you go through with plans to separate, you'll be able to put your daughter's best interests at heart and treat each other with respect.

Mediation will focus on what's best for everyone involved while also attempting to be fair and impartial about the situations with which a divorcing couple with children is usually faced. Custody, visitation, child support and so on ~ all can be dealt with calmly and rationally if the couple is willing to work with each other and accept the mediator's recommendations.

Good luck to all of you.

In such condition, i advise you find a good job first.Improve their environment and state of mind.

then, you can think over whether leave your marriage.

if you still think your marriage is a pain, please end it earlier.

For your daughter, you can actively fight, because the choice of law is more beneficial environment for the growth of your daughter.

swf decompiler

Are you and your husband sure there is no hope for the marriage ? Have you tried marriage counseling ?   If in fact you are sure the marriage can't be saved then end it .  Raising your daughter in a home where there is no love between her parents is not a good environment for her . It can create the same issues that divorce can sometimes even more so .  Your top priority as well as your husbands is your daughter's health , happiness , safety and welfare . Keep this in mind if you do decide to divorce . She loves both of you treat each other with this in mind . I wish you all the best .

my thanks to all the advice and comments. i have checked out counseling; even with insurance our cost for an hour is just under 70 dollars. he says we cant afford it.on that i"de have to agree. husband has a drinking problem; an every day drinker. i grew up with a step-dad who was an alcoholic; i dont want that kind of life again; i have asked him to at least cut down; when a doctor told him if he continues to drink everyday he"ll live to see another 15 years. i recently was prescribed valium when i explained to my doctor one morning i thought i was having a heart attack; while arguing; what it was was a panic attack.thought my heart was going to come pounding out of my chest; horrible feeling.right now we have one vehicle; mine is broke down at the time; when i go to get groceries; etc; i know he checks the mileage. i just discovered that in the past few days; i havent given any reason for him to do that. to me that is "controlling". again; thanks for the advice from the bottom of my heart:) take care all.

Janelle, don't give up. I know it seems insurmountable right now, but it's not, truly. Here are some additional thoughts I have; perhaps one will work.

~ Re counseling: Keep checking. Sometimes you can find a counselor who's willing to drastically cut the rates in order to help you. My daughter and her partner were (thankfully) lucky that way, then once their situation improved they were able to pay more.

~ Re the alcoholism: If you haven't already, consider looking into a support group which can help you deal with his drinking. You can check Al-Anon (www.al-anon.alateen.org/) or try www.smartrecovery.org. An extra bonus is that you might also be able to get referrals to low-cost counseling from other group members, since people will have been there and understand your position.

~ Re your husband checking up on you. It's probably best to let that one go, but if his 'checking' morphs into threatening or controlling behavior of any kind, please consider getting help to safely leave him. I'm not suggesting he's abusive or that he's going to be ~ but it's best to have some ideas of solutions should it take a turn for the worse. Here's a link to keep in mind, just in case. www.thehotline.org

Again, good luck to you!

thank you jkgrandma:)

Get a job and leave if you have to, otherwise you'll have to come to some compromise within yourself but either do it or make your marriage better before he does it.

Have you ever thought about meeting with clergy/minister; many times they are willing to visit with couples at no charge knowing the situation and that is what they are there for.  Another thing I would suggest is seeking help from your church for assistance in repairing your vehicle or if you know of someone who might be able to fix it for you in trade for you doing something for them.  There are many organizations out there who are willing to help you, you just need to do the research in your area; go to the public library and use there computer, so your husband does not know what you are looking at or for, anything that you print out put somewhere he can't or won't find it, as it will enrage him when he does.  You need to think about your mental and physical well being as well as your daughters.

I want to tell you from personal experience, I left my husband 15 months ago we have twin girls (6 at the time), but my situation is a little different in that he was verbally and physcially abusive and they witnessed this on various occasions.  He would not allow me to leave with the girls unless temporarily I gave him 50/50 custody, so since I left we have been sharing our time together with the girls, we have gone to trial 10 weeks ago, I asked for full custody with him as everyother weekend, etc. along with alot of other things.

You have indicated that you have not worked in over a year, was that by choice? or due to the economy? if you have a friend that you can go live with short term who is willing to take you and your daughter in I would work with this person to secure this, especially if you can get your car repaired, then I would look for a job, even a job overnights at a 24 Hr place, if you trust this friend to attend to your daughter while you are at work.  There are so many options and so many people willing to help you.  Do not listen to his threats about him taking your daughter away from you, I listened for over 3 yrs to his crap and took his abuse, until I finally called 911 and got it all documented. 

Let me know if I can help you in anyway.