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How do you leave your husband if you are unhappy ...

How do you leave your husband if you are unhappy yet you love him so much.

We have a 13 year old daughter together an she is also unhappy. He is not affectionate or good at showing love. We cannot communicate, we never talk an if you ask him a question or try helping him do something an you don't do it right he gets a bad temper an I just wanna cry. I really need advice on how to leave or tell him that I am unhappy I am just afraid to tell him. Please I need help with this matter.
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Hi,
Sorry but you contradict yourself.... You can't both love him and be unhappy.....  Any good grlations are based on 4 pillars: Trust + Communications + Openess + Respect.  Your relations lack at least 2 of those pillars.  You won't be able fix it by your own so better get a  marriage counseling.  
If you can't talk to him send leave him a written note (tell him exactly what bothers you and how you feel).  No offence, please, but I wouldn't be able to live the way you live even 1 day.... it seems like living under a constant terror / fear..... You'll have to be stong and brave and either fix it or leave. 
Best regards,

Love is the battery of life....

resolve your own problems before you try to resolve your couple problems.   Your problem?  that you are making excuses for a man that is angry and  perhaps depressed. 

I was exactly where you are now, a year ago and i fixed it. You are reliant upon this man because he has made you reliant upon him. This is why you think you love him. You say he gets in a bad mood and shouts when you say something. That because in his eyes you should do exactly as he wishes and he cannot cope with the thought that you may have your own thoughts and feelings about things. Im afraid he is verbally abusing you. A strong statement, i know, but i speak from experience. These men can change but they have to want to. My guess is that he thinks everything is fine and that you make a fuss over nothing (minimising your feelings).  You are scared of his moods and temper so dont want to say anything to rock the boat further, so stay quiet and propably agree with him on everything just to keep things livable for you and your daughter. He has got you exactly where he wants you, and its horrible for you. I suspect there may be an element of "what if i leave and he is nice to me, then ill go back"  OR "what if i leave and he comes after me" 

If you really want this relationship to work, you need to be honest with yourself, and ask yourself what you want for you and your daughter. Once you have worked that out, you have then got several options. Either, try to talk to him and tell him that unless he listens to you and understands how his behaviour is affecting both you and his daughter, you will have no option but to call it a day. He will at that point, try to minimise your feelings. Stick to your guns and keep repeating what you have said. I could go on for ages about what hes likely to do next etc. OR

You could put pen to paper and write him a letter saying just how he has made you and your daughter feel, and that you want it to stop and would like to talk about how things could change to make your lives the way they should be.  

OR If he wont listen, talk, go to marriage guidance etc, he obviously is not interested in making any changes. Then how you walk away is up to you, but you will need to, if you want a stress free life. Nothing will change unless you do. Ive got loads more i could say, but i think you get the gist . Get strong and stay strong, for you and your daughters sake. Big Hugs

Hi,

   I agree with OronD and Hypnobird.  You need to tell him by writing him a letter everything that bothers you, that you don't deserve the way he treated you all this time and suggest to him marriage counseling.  If he gets upset and won't go for the marriage counseling, then you need to make arrangement to leave him.  You did not mention if you are working and can afford to live on your own.  If not, then you need to ask your parents to let you stay with them temporarily until you can find a job and can afford to rent a place of your own.  You don't deserve that kind of treatment from an abusive husband.  He reminds me of my ex-husband.   He thought that women are way inferior to men, that he knew everything, that whatever I did and knew were wrong.  I left him and my life is now peaceful and happier.  You possibly will be happier without him. So be strong and don't look back if you decide to leave.  He will promise you anything to keep you, and be nice just for one month or so and be back to his old self.  That's what  happened to us.  He begged me to come back and I was so stupid to marry him again.  He had ulterior motive though.  Later on he was the same abusive man again, and I left again for the 2nd time and the last time not to see him again or to talk to him again.

    So please take care of yourself, I hope that this will work out for you, either he changed his ways, which I doubt he will, or move on and be by yourself for a while until you get over this hurt totally.  Good luck to you.

Be honest and be true to yourself.

love and pain are very odd in kindredship. one you want and one, the other ,you dont want. you do not need to tell him youre unhappy, he knows this. you do not need to tell him you love him he knows this. he may not be the problem. think of everything that makes you un-happy without thinking of your husband, write them down. let him see them. sit the list out, do not put him on this list but put in a place where he can see the list. he now knows for sure you're not happy.see what he does to make you happy. if he does nothing or does not support you, he is unwilling to see you happy. now you know for sure by what he has in mind in concerns to your happiness. mature paths will enable your daughter to always have loving parents. blood relation do not breed happiness. example, i wanted to have kids so i had them because i love children and i planned them. what if i went out drinking and clubbing and had a child,would i love this child the same in error as i would in a planned parenting situation. rational thinking would dictate that you can not love a planned child and a mistake the same.

I wonder what real happiness is. I have been married for almost 30 years and I am so unhappy. I don't know if it is my husband making me unhappy or myself. I feel so alone. so so alone.  We never talk, we never touch anymore, and hardly ever see each other. We are more like room mates than husband and wife. We come home from work and go our seperate ways and end up watching television till bedtime, then we go to our seperate beds..how long can I do this..I wonder..Do I want to leave him or am I just unhappy and not his fault...Help..I dont know where to start...

BCrowder,

First off, I'm not a doctor of any kind or an attorney,  I just wanted to see if some way I might be able to help.  I agree with the posts that I've read so far.  I just want to add something from a different view.

After You have read the other replys and tried what they are sugesting and (IF)

You happen to decide that You MIGHT want to leave him.  I sugest that BEFORE You do, You make sure that You have some place for You and Your Daughter to go, make sure that You have a way to get in touch with someone IN CASE You might would have some problems.

Also I sugest that You speak to an attorny to find out about any leagel (I'll say rules 'cause I can't think of the word I'm trying to say) because the laws are different in each state. If You leave with out checking this out You could be aboding him him some state.  (I hope I wrote that so You can understand this, also please excuse my spelling my spell checker isn't working.)

PLEASE DON'T THINK I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU TO LEAVE, THAT HAS TO BE YOUR AND YOUR DAUGHTERS DECISION.

One more thing, if YOU did DECIDE TO LEAVE and if You don't have any money to support Yourself and Your Daughter, then hang in a little while longer IF YOU BOTH CAN AND if he's not physically hurting You so You can get things in order. 

My God bless YOU and Your Daughter, and I hope that YOU will find happiness SOON weather it's with Your husband or not.

REMEMBER THE DECISION IS UP TO YOU.

donna

Wishing You a day with sun shine and happiness

What was that old Paul Simon song?  "There must be fifty ways to leave your lover.  Just slip out the back, Jack.  Make a new plan, Stan.  No need to be coy, Roy, just set yourself free . . .."

The daughter is another matter.  Don't let feminist neurosis mislead you to believe that he will beat her up unless you are there to guard her.  The daughter will be much better off with dad than with you in a major upheaval that you want.  Visit, but leave dad to care for his child. 

Leftists forget: they do what they defy.

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