Discuss Jez's answer to: Kids' father won't have a relationship with them.

Children's father is uninvolved. Do I continue to offer opportunities for him to have a relationship with them? Most of the time they end in promises and lies.

I related to this question, I have spent the last 3 years since we split trying to get my kid's Dad involved, i've phoned, travelled to him, badgered him and been far too accomadating-all at the expense of my daughter who was nowhere near as bothered as me! He let her down many times, argued in front of her and was often didtant and cold. The last time we saw him I made the 5 hour trip to where he lives and took her to his parents, sisters and spent time trying to do the "right thing" I was rewarded with no appreciation, rudeness and cold atmospheres which made my daughter so uncomfortable that she wet herself. She didn't enjoy spending time with him because he wasn't bothered and she could tell. Deep down I know he loves her but he's too immature to be a Dad right now and has his own issues to sort out first. I'm through with it all now. I know i'm not stopping him seeing her so I don't have anything to feel bad about. But i'm not doing his job for him and nor should you. It's better for kids not to have a relationship with someone that doesn't care than know their father. Find some cool male role models, spend time with brothers, uncles or male friends and let him explain himself to them later. It won't matter by then how much he slags you off or blames you because your kids won't believe him. I have first hand experience of this too as I met my own father as an adult. Luckily my Dad was very honest with me about everything and does regret not being there but anything he said about my mum went over my head and I drew my own conclusions. I hope this helps, don't upset the kids anymore by forcing a relationship that wont work at this time. Stand back and allow it to fail as it naturally will without your input and be there to pick up the pieces..that's what we just have to do..I feel for you.

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