Having an issue with my husband regarding my parents. I've been married for 4 years and my parents often approach me for help, sometimes financially. My dad is the only one working so when i can help ...
I have hunch it all comes down to the "pride" (or ego of your husband. My best advise is: Have a heart-2-heart discussion, try to understand what is the real reason for his behavior and (mutually) try to reach some understanding. It is solvable !.
You know that I have always liked and respected you, so I ask these questions with respect, and not to be argumentative.
Why do you assume that the fault is with the husband? If the parents ask for help repeatedly isn't it reasonable to think that the fault is with them?
Hi LindaRuth. I feel the same towards you and your answers. You are really great and very helpful. Even if we don't agree (here and there) I'll always respect your answers + opinions + thoughts. I am NOT saying that the whole fault is with the husband. As you know in any problem you deal there is more than one to be blamed. So let's think together: Among many other possible "problems" (or dilemmas) thus is a rather minor one. To put it in simple words: The parents want to help and are doing it repeatedly. So what ? I wish this was my only problem in life. I admit: It might bother me a bit (someone is getting to involved in my life and in a way does not respect my independence) but it's time to understand that they want to help, that they are doing it from good will and generosity. They do not want to harm or get on my nerves so better accept it and make them feel they are doing the right thing. If it really really bothered me I would have a heart-2-heart discussion with them, explain to them why I feel in that way and ask them to find a win-win solution. As the husband behaved differently (in fact just the opposite) made me feel that he has his "pride" issue probably with a high "ego" ("I don't get support from anybody" "I am the man in the family and I am the bread winner..... no need to get help"). That what I feel and that is what I answered. You are right to say that at least part of the fault is with the parents. If they were more sensitive and had higher EQ they would realize that their behavior is hurting their son in law (and cause them to behave in a different way). I hope my point is clear. Best personal regards,It is spring here, flowers I blooming now with amazing colors. I am sending you a flower with my compliments.
After rereading your answer, I see that you did not blame the husband, you just said that he should explain his reasons for his actions. I agree. Better communications can go a long way in situations like this. sometimes men talk business apart from the women and the wife may not even know what is going on with her father. If the husband expalins himself to her it would certainly help. It is a shame that she is torn between her husband and father, two men who she loves.
The tulips are in bloom nowand I am also enjoying Springtime. Thank you for explaining. I did take it the wrong way when I first read your answer.