Impact of porn on committed relationships

As a woman, what has been the impact of pornography in your marriage/significant relationships?

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i dont like it. never did so ive been married almost 11 years and donot care about it. on the othr hand men seem to enjoy it they say it improves their relationship but i think you can have a love life without it. hope this helps

Hi Angel,

   Since this is an anonymous forum, I am hoping this can be a place where women can talk about this issue honestly.  From personal experience, from talking to clients, and from observing people I know, I think this is an issue that is a secret that no one talks about.  I think that many women are convinced that it is something that they have to put up with, at the same time that they are hurting very deeply from it.  I am just hoping that honesty will bring a sense that no one is alone in this issue.

Thanks for your comment.  Hope you will add more if you feel right about it.

   Elena Bidden or not, God always enters in. Carl Jung

I, personally, have never had a problem with the men in my life watching porn.  None of them ever did it to excess, and most of them wanted to watch it with me.  I guess if it was really sick stuff, or fetish stuff, but run of the mill porn doesn't hurt me at all.

~ "Those who are free of resentful thoughts surely find peace." Buddha ~ S.N.O.T.S., Inc. ~ ~

I have always found it depended on the format -  it's much easier to throw a video cassette and hit my target than a magazine. No seriously, if they do it and you know about it appreciate their honesty. If it involves an aspect of sexuality that you feel uncomfortable with, such as animals, considerably older or younger people etc, you must discuss this with your partner as it could cause fundamental problems in your relationship. Indulging in porn does not mean that your partner wants to have rampant intercourse with every one they encounter on a daily basis, it simply means they find erotic images arousing, which lets be honest to some degree we all do, it is natural human behavior.

"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts." Bertrand Russell

Insignificant, for the most part. I've had partners who enjoyed porn to some extent, but as long as they maintain appropriate standards it hasn't ever been an issue. By "appropriate standards" I mean:

  • Don't leave adult materials laying around in the open
  • View it only in private or with other consenting adults, NEVER exposing a minor to it
  • If you're married or otherwise sharing resources with someone else, don't spend money intended or needed for other things on porn
  • For the most part, forget the internet stuff unless you are EXTREMELY good with computers and absolutely know you have a safe system. It's the best way to get trojans and such.
  • If you do go for the online stuff, make sure your computer is in a private place, with the screen placed so that nobody coming into the room can see anything accidentally. Oh - wear headphones, please!
  • Do not use a shared computer to view porn online.

I think that's really basic stuff, but know too many people whose kids have been accidentally exposed to porn because they just don't think ahead, or who have relationship problems because of money or computer issues due to the porn more than the porn itself.

I did have one ex who got somewhat obsessed by certain images, and was more and more fetishistic about them. If you can't enjoy sex without porn, you have a problem.

"Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least." Goethe

i personally do not find any interest in them. porn has never been an issue to me maybe because i have never been with someone that is sick over them. my current husband for 10 years doesn't seem to have an interest in them neither so they've never been a subject. in the 1st year into our relationship i was flicking thru channels bumped into a porn i called him to look at what i found he came over looked at it with me for a few minutes and then started to make our own, i guess sometimes it just stimulates the attraction into something exciting and different which is good for the relationship every once in a while. in my opinion if you turn into the slut on the porn they loose the interest on the porn. also if you don't get against the porn they eventually let it go. i've noticed the more you have them see what bothers you the more they want to do it. because it's like wanting something you know you cannot get. when i see exotic things on any regular channel or sexy woman and i see my husband with special interest i turn around and say hey! is that what you want? (jokingly) and start to show or act the same as in that channel be it show, act or dance and i tell him i can do that too look at this! and i say you see, you have it too! and we both start to laugh and he says i'm crazy (in a loving way). try it! good luck!  

Great answer, AIDA!!

~ "Those who are free of resentful thoughts surely find peace." Buddha ~ S.N.O.T.S., Inc. ~ ~

Porn ruins relationships. My husband of six years will not stop this disruptive selfish behavior. I feel evey time he goes outside of our relationship to get his sexual desires met HE IS CHEATING. He absolutely disagrees and says it's normal. What the hell is normal about going behind your partners back for anything? Finally after years of this and trying to figure out what is wrong with me and why he goes elsewhere for sex, I realized it's not me at all. It is all on him, It's his desire to have a fake, unforfilled, selfish, onesided relationship with no resposibilities except to look at it. I am leaving him because of this, yet another family destroyed over something most people consider normal.  

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