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My husband treats me like his mother. Very ...

My husband treats me like his mother. Very respectful, caring, loving, like the most important thing in his life. But at the same time is hooked on pornography, strip clubs,some really disturbing smut. He has been sneeking around doing this for 9 years. He seeks out single friends to live this life with him. Our sex life is nill because he cannot perform, he is masturbating to porn several times a day. He is very disrepectful to his woman friends, flirts shamelessly and talks smut to them. He absolutely adores his sister, his sister is God to him, and she goes to strip clubs with him, she sends him info on prostitutes, etc. I am looking for an analysis of this man to try and understand why he is like this.



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Hi, ------- How were your relations (including sex) at the beginning ? When did it all started ? Was it gradually ? What was your reaction ? Did you ever put borders to that ? Did you ever tried to discuss it with him ? Does he know that it disturbs you ? What will happen if you say "no" to that ? Did you ever spoke with his sister ? Did you try to solve that problem (marriage counseling, sexologist) ? How are your relations in general (now) ? Is there love in your relations ? Is he healthy (physically) ? Does he have problems / stresses (economical, social,..... etc) ?. So many missing clues..... ------- Best regards,

Love is the battery of life....

Devastated, How can you say your husband is respectful, caring and loving to you? His actions don't show it. Please ask him to go to marriage counseling with you. If he does not stop doing what he's doing, I think it's time to say goodbye for good. You are in an unhealthy marriage. You deserve better.

Be honest and be true to yourself.

Hi Devastated, This sex and porn thing is an addiction. In this case, sex and porn is the heroin and his sister is the syringe. Why on earth, as another woman, is she fueling this fire? Does she have no idea what you are going through, or does she just not care? Chances are that she is a sexual deviant just like he is. This is something that would take alot of councling for him to overcome and he would have to WANT to do it. I hate to say it, but it may be time for you to move on. Another thing to think about is him bringing home some std, and you certainly dont need that! Best of luck to you, and I hope that it all works out.

This is called the "whore-madonna complex".  Originates from very unhealthy mother-child relationship.  It is deep seated and a lot of shame & guilt involved.  Decide whether your life will be better with or without him.  You can't fix him.

It has been NINE YEARS. Stop THINKING! Start DOING!

Seriously, what are you waiting for? I think you should immediately make an appointment with a couples counselor; you and your husband need help in order to learn how to communicate about this issue (and probably others). If your husband will not agree to go, go without him! (You need to learn why you have allowed yourself to be treated this way for the last 9 years.)

If you give marriage counseling a serious chance and you have tried but your marriage still isn't working; then contact a lawyer and make an appointment to discuss your options regarding a divorce.

Good luck and GET GOING!

Turn off the television and teach your children how to think. ~ Believe none of what you hear and half of what you see. (B. Franklin) ~ I do not respond in Comments ~ Trespassers will be eaten. Cowards, idiots and spammers will be shot on sight. ~ YeddaHeads

Dear Devastated,

  Great answers here for you.

  I would just add that you seek individual counseling for yourself.  No matter what happens to your "marriage", you will  need to deal and heal from all of the abuse you have allowed yourself to put up with.


DenverSpiritualCounseling.com Bidden or not, God always enters in. Carl Jung

Seem like your husband is experiencing firm tendencies of being a sex addict. If he treat you like his mother, perhaps, he looks for a mother-figure in his devastated life. If he's regularly watching porn, masturbating several times, disrespecting to his woman friends and using prostitutes, your husband really need some shrinking help.

You, as his wife, needs to redefine what your stand on the relationship. Reading your situation makes e think why you're still there for him. Do you still love him although he's really promiscuous? If you are then that's good. You should encourage him to have a one-on-one counseling with a psychologist to fix his sex addiction first.

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So, You are choosing  to be in a role of his mother, one of the man said to me ,, Do not mother me, there will be no sex''. Which is very proper response, man usually do not want to have sex with his ''mother'' or if they do, it is to punish her for his sexual abuse. I think it is time to get empowered, woman, that  i' ve always being but  lost.

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