What are your honest opinions on this piece of writing. I want to give it as a gift, but not if it isn't good. Thanks!
If you stood across the street from the quaint starter home with red brick and cottage roof and shutters you could catch a glimpse of a beautiful figure bolting across the room through the bay window and then back again as she paced in a panic, picking at her nails.
“Where and the hell is he at? I am going to call him again.”
She picked up the cordless phone and pressed those familiar 10 buttons facing a familiar answering machine and then a silence so quiet you could almost see the black.
“3 hours late. What the ****, asshole?”
Two quick rings filled the room….two more after.
“Noelle, just listen, don’t ask questions. Do you understand?”
“I guess so, asshole.”
“Something serious is about to happen, okay? 2 men will be coming to the house in 5 minutes. Do WHATEVER they say. Noelle, just remember, I will always love you.”
A violent crack as the plastic from the payphone on the other line hit against the metal is followed by an even more eerie silence than before.
“What the ****?”
A pair of headlights illuminates the street and grows larger as the black van stops and sits in front of the house.
“Oh god, oh god, oh god.”
Two black figures come out of the van and walk through the grass, past the bay window and up the cracked sidewalk to the door.
“What do you want?” She yells through the small window on the top of the door.
“Open up, now. You’ve gotten a call by now and you know what is best for the both of you. Let us in and do as we say.”
She opens the door slowly letting the two masked men come into her home. They were huge behemoths with black gloves, black hats, and black coats and a duffle bag split between them on the ground visible through the open door and the orange tint of a street light.
One of the men reaches down into the bag and grabs a pile of wrinkled clothes and throw them at her. She picks it up and uncovers a long flowing white dress with pink and blue flower splotches all over the bottom, a blue waist belt and a pair of blue high heels filled with a pair of lace tube stockings. The other, a white lace corset with garter straps…
“He will want you to put these one. It will be necessary after we arrive. You will see.”
“How do you think she will react?”
“I don’t know but I really hope she doesn’t cry, or scream. That always ruins it for me, ya know?”
She had a hard time seeing because of the dark cloth tied around her eyes but she felt the wind blowing through her long brown hair and heard the engine sputter in the crappy black van.
“You ******* think you can do this to me? What are you going to do?!” she whelped in between crying breaths and sobs.
“You have no idea do you? You asked for this every single day and our boss says he is finally ready to take you out.”
“What the **** are you talking about?!”
The sputtering stops and the engine goes silent, her brown hair falling back down to her shoulders, air stagnant.
“Get out, belle. It’s time.”
They force her out of the van and cut her hands loose from the roped snare around her wrists. She feels the grass beneath her feet and then the clunk that comes with the difficult walking on wood in heels and then mushy dust.
“Is that sand?!”
“20 more feet, belle, we will be there. You’re getting yours, alright.”
She feels the air wrap around her as one of the men makes his way around her back and sounds can be heard in front of her.
“What’s that sound? It sounds like ‘shooshes’. Who’s there?! WHO’S THERE?! I hear laughs!”
The man behind her takes off her blindfold and she needs time adjusting to the white outdoor lights tied in between two ends of a fence, hanging in the June air reflecting off of the water. When her beautiful brown eyes adjust, she sees Beau on one knee and in a vintage tweed suit and a fedora, holding the most beautifully blinding piece of jewelry that she had ever seen. A crowd of familiar and smiling Tennessee faces behind him, a 40 foot bonfire behind them, and an endless ocean of life behind that.