Can I help my son come to terms with the new baby?

I am pregnant with my second child. My son is 13. His father and I are divorced; it was a bad marriage and my son was rejected by his father. Since the divorce, his father fades in and out of his life. My son is very angry about the new baby and told my new husband and me that he wants no part of it. Do I punish him or try another way to get him to be less negative and hateful? All of this really upsets my new husband, who was trying to encourage my son to be a part of the new baby/family.

Liked this question? Tell your friends about it

11 Answers

Order by
Oldest to Newest
Newest to Oldest

Respect his decision.  Talk with him and tell him that you don't intend to exclude him, but there are going to be a number of things that revolve around the new baby as is normal when a child is born because they take up so much time and are helpless.  Tell him he is always welcome to help and participate, but that you won't force it on him, and in respecting his announcement, will try not to approach him or ask much of him in assistance, but that you'd certainly appreciate any he might have to offer if he changes his mind.  You'd love it if he would be more involved in the family as a whole, new baby included, but that you don't want to require it of him in respect for his stated position.

That being said, I think you have a problem being weak as a parent - please don't confuse 'weak' with 'bad' or 'incompetent'.  It is the only reason I offer this advice.  The fact that your son stepped up to say this, and that you allow your deadbeat ex in and out of his life so that he can continuously revisit the rejection by his dad says reams about your parenting style.  He's obviously strong-willed, and has been allowed to be so by your parenting style.  While this is not a bad thing in general, it is when at 13 he feels comfortable enough to disassociate himself from you and the rest of the household family - it is not something that most 13yo's would feel comfortable standing up and saying, even if they might actively pursue it quietly. Perhaps a stronger stance earlier on, or a gradual, progressively more strict approach now to handling the teen (and his errant father) might be warranted here, but the first position is to show respect to his proclamation, while simultaneously letting him know that it might have unexpected results causing a greater exclusion of him from the rest of the family.  

However, you and your husband should also take special care to request one-on-one time with him in activities that he enjoys (batting cages, paintball, movies (as a last resort), etc).  This will let him know that you keep actively trying to include him even while he excludes himself.

13 is a difficult age under the best of circumstances.  Maybe the best course of action is to just love them both and not force the issue.  Direct your efforts towards building a good life for your little family and let the rest follow naturally. 


Jan from

<a href=""> Baby Nursery Ideas</a>



Pregnancy is a mystery to all men. Don't worry if he can't get excited. Let the new Dad get excited, and find age appropriate hobby or interests for your boy. He needs positive feedback too, as new big Bro.

REI has 300 stores w/ tween family classes & super eager college-age mentors.

Get your son outside w/ Mother Nature to nurture. The REI community is a low stress Co-op w/ many choices, new gear, and "UP" people ready to teach.

Once your son gets connected for his skill level, outdoor hobbies and friendships last a lifetime. He needs this now. Not to be stuck at home w/new baby full-time.


Related Questions

Other people asked questions on similar topics, check out the answers they received:

Asked: How do I get my 11 y/o on board about his baby ...

I was hospitalized for a month after having a new baby girl, and during that time my 11-year-old son, who was looked after by his stepdad (my husband), started getting into trouble at school. Now ...

Asked: Opinion: Is it ok for a 43 y/o man (with a 15 y/o ...

Opinion: Is it ok for a 43 y/o man (with a 15 y/o daughter) to date a 19 y/o girl that JUST graduated from HS?

Asked: Can babies be born with teeth?

Can babies be born with teeth?

More Questions

What would be the best tip you could give a new mother? Something that

Fussing with the car seat, the diaper bag and all seems like a lot of work. It is tempting to stay housebound when you have a little one. But then you slowly start to go insane. Only half joking. My advice is to pack up the bag and get out of the house at least once a day. Go out with friends, go ...

Short term rental apartment or house

You obviously have a computer. You obviously know what Craigslist is. Why not just go there and look? Why come to AOL Answers?

Have a 20 year term life for 100,000. After 20 years is past what happens

Term life insurance is a bet that you will die. When you don't die, you lose the bet.

How can i research my term paper?

Composing school research paper is not a basic undertaking as it obliges satisfactory scrutinizing, fabulous association and composing aptitudes. School educators additionally have exclusive standards on how you ought to compose your school research paper. Some of these tests give huge amounts of ...