My wife and I had been married 2 months and moved into her sister's house to save money and have more room. Three months later my wife I had a stupid argument that blew way out of proportion. She suggested seperating (not the first threat) as a way to resolve our problems. As a result, I was so angry that after she left the room (I was now alone) I smashed my favorite drinking glass on the kitchen floor of my SIL house. I know I was wrong to do so and felt terrible for disrespecting her property. The next day, SIL told my wife I couldn't live there anymore so the next morning I moved back to our old apartment by myself. The day after that, SIL demanded my key back even though my wife and 2 dogs were still there. After a couple days of cool down, I wrote a page long apology letter to my wife, SIL and their parents. SIL never responded and told wife I am not allowed in her house without wife being there and she must be notified before my arrival. I am a 24 year old 5'7'', 130lbs and look like I'm 16. SIL (30 years old, 6', 180 lbs) still tells wife and rest of family that she feels threatened and unsafe in my presence. I have never hit/threatened a person in my life and they all sympethize with her. I understand that women would view the instance as violent where a man would not but give me a f***ing break, what a bunch of sh*t. I can't even go over there to feed my dogs in the afternoon or pack up my stuff without supervision even though no one is there. What a crock of sh*t! I work evenings and when SIL got a choc lab pup, I watched it every afternoon and fed it until I left for work. Lately when wife visits me, SIL tells her she has to bring our dogs with because it's not fair that she has to watch our dogs for a couple hours. She makes it a big deal even though they are both 2 years old, trained well and need no supervision. My wife gets upset because we (SIL and self) put her in the middle of everything even though it is only her sister that will not act like an adult. MY GOD, PLEASE HELP. I love her family and do not want to sour the relationship any farther but what can I do! I even took it upon myself to go out and buy/read a book on anger management which by the way has changed my life for the better. Maybe she just needs more time.....
Hi Ag's&h's,Welcome to Yedda. I hope you are an open person so I'll be able to answer you without sugar coating my words. You made several mistakes. 1. Being "just married" you should spent at least one year on your own (to built the ties / bond betwen the two of you). It is much more important than saving money. 2. Before moving to your SIL you (both) had to decide that all your disputes / arguements will be delt behind "closed doors" (and never involve her !). 3. You didn't realized how much your SIL "invested" in you (accepting you with the 2 dogs). And she axpects you to return (in terms of: respecting her, being gratefull and thanking her). You did the oppossite. 4. You HAD to controll your anger. No way to react like that. It is simply unacceptable. 5. She is intimidated. It's not a matter of size, age or height...... Be considerative and understandable and accept all her "new laws".... that is the "penalty" or your behavior. 6. The best you can do is: a. Discuss it with your wife. b. Suggest that you orgenize a meeting (you two and your SIL). c. Set a date, prepare exactly what you are going to say (be sensetive and carefull in choosing your words). d. Say that you made a mistake, you regret, it will never happen again, and you ask her to appologize you. e. Tell her you'll accept any "new rules" she sets. f. Don't forget to mention that you love her and the entire family. g. Say that you are going to take classes to controll your temper (and do it !). g. If she agree, OK..... If not than take your wife and move out.7. Invest hard (and much) in the relations between you and your wife. It's not going to be easy !. Ifv you don't do it you might (G-d forbid) loose her. Best regards,
Why don't they trust you? What does your wife want to do? Does she trust you? Does she want a divorse? Is she going to move back in with you or stay with her sister? Drama happens. Especially when you LIVE with another family member. Rule of THUMB~ Married couple is 2, not 3 or 4 or 5... 2. You live with NO one but your self. All the money in the world can't take away a great relationship, but, the money you saved living with SIL, wasn't worth the situation you are in now. I'd say just find out your facts and act on them. Don't take dogs to a shelter. They will be killed there, unless it is a no kill shelter. Find them a suitable home if you find that you need to... but get your act together and get your wife back or move on with out her.
The way i see it from what you wrote and i know it is a diffacult decesision to make but it sounds to me that her family is more involved than you think as they may be giving her ideas then she tells you only what you dont want to hear. As this is the familys whole thing is to seperate the two of you up. than as you stated SIL demanded my key back even though my wife and 2 dogs were still there. After a couple days of cool down, I wrote a page long apology letter to my wife, SIL and their parents. SIL never responded and told wife I am not allowed in her house without wife being there and she must be notified before my arrival.still tells wife and rest of family that she feels threatened and unsafe in my presence. I think if you look at it you may have answered your own question. As to much family involvement on her side and by SIL getting involved and there not looking at the whole picture. As you married her not the family as they are inlaws only are her family and if you want not yours. Also keep your family out of it also as this is you and your wife's to work out between the two of you. Yes i am gowing to use a very old wording that has been around for years ( Two familys cannot live under the same roof at one time and get aloung ). But if your wife insists of a seperation then that is her idea but watch your 6 as some one else may be involved in it...LOL
Other people asked questions on similar topics, check out the answers they received:
Other people asked questions on various topics, and are still waiting for answer. Would be great if you can take a sec and answer them