My husband is still bitter about his ex-wife ...

My husband is still bitter about his ex-wife - they were married for 4 years and have a daughter together. We (my husband and I ) have been together for 6 years now with 2 kids. My question is: Why does he still talk bitterly about his ex-wife? He remembers things like they happened yesterday. I ask him about it and he says he just has a very good memory for that stuff. I have been married before for 8 years and can't even muster the energy to be bitter - i am too involved with my current life of having a husband and 2 kids to take care of. Do you think he should get some personal counseling if his bitterness is so fresh and alive in his mind? I have no doubts that he loves me, but sometimes I get worried when I hear him re-hashing his relationship with her.

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If he is unable to let it go, then counseling might be a good idea. On the other hand, if he doesn't see his behavior as a problem, then he's not going to think he needs counseling.

Perhaps he just wants you to listen without doing anything else. Try letting him vent, then acknowledge his feelings without commenting or analyzing or pointing out that it's long past time for him to move on.

With any luck, that'll help.

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Yes, I think counseling might be good for him.  Another idea is to talk to a pastor or whoever your spiritual counselor is.  I think forgiveness would help.  You don't forgive someone for their sake, you forgive for your own sake, so that you can let go and move on with your life.

Look at it this way possably he has a good reason to be P O at her as there are many reasons like verbal mental abuse which can last for years.

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It will be interesting to know how they broke up, e.g. Did she cheat on him. That could explain the anger and unresolved feeling he might have towards her. The best is for him to have closure and counselling might definately help.

My husband just has to vent once every PMS.  When he starts to feeling down...I usually start out a conversation of our blessings and eventually he goes off on a rant about what he went through with the other women before me in his life and their kids not HIS son...but the other's women's kids.  I just listen...after a few hours...when he's vented out...I say..."Now...where were we?...oh YEAH!  Our Blessings!" 

And then we show each other why we are so blessed...takes his mind right off past bitterness!

"A daughter holds your hand for only a short while...but she holds your heart forever."

I think all these answers are pretty relevant - thank you.  He tends to rant about her when he is especially appreciative about our relationship.  I think he does have problems with forgiving.  He hasn't forgiven his father for some of his sternness when he was a teenager.  I feel for a man reaching his 50's he should be able to move beyond those hurts and find some resolve.  I would love to have him go to counseling, but realize he doesn't really feel there is a problem.  As for me, I do feel very appreciated by him.  It was a mutually agreed upon split with no infidelity.  I believe it is especially "hot" right now due to his daughter going to college this year and the ex seeking out more money from us for her own reasons (more spending cash, one last poke...).  I do believe there was quite a bit of mental abuse by his ex due to her continuuing to want to hurt him even to this day.  Thanks for the answers.

For me counseling is a good idea maybe it's time for him to face his dilemma with his ex-wife. And counseling if ever can provide some answer to your question that you'd been keeping for so long. You may be able to know what is really the problem why he act like that.

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Lisa...sounds like to me he just has a lot of stress on him right now...and because of his previous marriage, the responsibilities of all the children and obligations to his daughter starting college...and the money situation...he just needs someone to blame and take it out on.  He's very blessed to have you.  I hope you are very understanding...and supportive...he could be talking about you someday.

Be thankful for what you have.  Be thankful for all your blessings...and pray you aren't the next X.

I hope you have a nice day.



"A daughter holds your hand for only a short while...but she holds your heart forever."

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