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My parents have greatly insulted and disrespected ...

My parents have greatly insulted and disrespected my wife, over a minor miscommunication she repeatedly apologised for. The have said many mean and hurtful things, though have totally ignored her apology and refuse to apologise for their harsh words. They have now involved the whole family, telling them a misconstrued story of the facts. They've said everything from she's a terrible mother, to she's a child, to saying they "don't care about what she thinks". They also say that if we keep our chilfren from them that our kids will hate us for it when they're older. I have no desire to let them visit grandma and granpa right now, as I feel they simply dont deserve it. They refuse to take our calls and will only communicate viaemail, and only if ALL the family is CC'd in all communication. Which I think is absurd!! I am completetly destroyed by this and don't know what to do. Help??!!

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Hold your ground, stick to your guns and tell your parents, "We'll miss you!"

Add, "I'm sorry you feel this way, but 'Jane' and the kids and I are a package deal. If you want to work things out, she and I are willing to sit down and talk ~ but the rest of the family isn't going to be part of that and the kids aren't going to be involved in it, either."

If they remain unwilling to meet you halfway, you say, "I love you; good-bye."

Then do it.

Turn off the television and teach your children how to think. ~ Believe none of what you hear and half of what you see. (B. Franklin) ~ I do not respond in Comments ~ Trespassers will be eaten. Cowards, idiots and spammers will be shot on sight. ~ YeddaHeads

I agree. If people act like three year olds, you treat them like three year olds, parents or not.

If a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, then that makes me a burning truck filled with TNT hurtling through a rocket fuel depot.

I agree. You have to stand your ground.  Your parents are acting childishly.  Make yourself absent from them until they figure out what jerks they have been and apologize for it.

Absolutely you stand your ground and next to your wife .  This is extremely immature behavior by your parents .  When they disrespect your wife they also disrespect you and your children .  I wouldn't send my children to see anyone whom was disrespecting my entire family and that includes Grandparents . Hopefully your parents will decide soon to act like adults till then stand your ground .

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Hi Gary, I read your comments and here's what I think about your kids seeing grandma & grandpa.

I don't know what the routine is, but your kids are still young. So you tell your parents, "Jane and I would love for you to be able to see the kids. As I've said, we're a package deal. If you'd like to make arrangements to see the children, give me a call and we'll see when we're available."

If she calls, then you pick a time that's convenient for you and meet on neutral ground (perhaps the park or someplace else where the kids can play with grandma & grandpa under mom and dad's watchful eyes & ears).

If not, then you tell the kids, "Grandma & Grandpa are on 'time out' right now, so we'll have to wait until after that's over before you can go to their house. Hopefully, it'll be over soon!"

Then you let your parents stew and answer the kids' questions honestly as they come up (tailoring your answers to their ages, of course).

Again, you cannot give in to your mother's emotional blackmail (for that's what it is) or you will never be able to call your family your own again. She's going to have to learn that you, your wife and your children are a family unit; if she wants to have the privilege of seeing the kids, she's going to need to earn it by respecting you and your wife, whether she agrees with you or not.

Good luck!

Turn off the television and teach your children how to think. ~ Believe none of what you hear and half of what you see. (B. Franklin) ~ I do not respond in Comments ~ Trespassers will be eaten. Cowards, idiots and spammers will be shot on sight. ~ YeddaHeads

Thank you all for your advice.

My final question then would be, how do I convince them to have any further dialogue with us whatsoever (and NOT via email. Its so impesonal and is easily misconsrued), WITHOUT involving the rest of my siblings.  They refuse to communicate without the entire family invovled, (and only by email) which I think is absurd. They've manipulated most of them to be allies. It is really none of their business. This issue is between my wife(us) and my mom & dad. Is it just me, or am i nuts to think emailimg all my siblings is ludacrous?

Gary, the best thing you can do is to make it clear to them exactly what you and your wife will, and won't, tolerate.

The onus should not be on you to convince them to do anything; it is incumbent upon them to either meet your conditions or deal with the consequences.

You do not involve the rest of your family. If they choose to do so, then that's on them. If the rest of the family tries to talk to you about it (via phone, email, text or anything else), you say, "Thanks for your concern but this is between mom & dad and us" and then you change the subject.

Lay out the rules and leave it up to your parents if they want to play by those rules. If not, then you haven't lost anything except the necessity of having to tiptoe through a minefield.

Turn off the television and teach your children how to think. ~ Believe none of what you hear and half of what you see. (B. Franklin) ~ I do not respond in Comments ~ Trespassers will be eaten. Cowards, idiots and spammers will be shot on sight. ~ YeddaHeads

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