How often should an adult daughter call home?
As a mom, I feel she should give her mom and dad a call once a week. I have left 2 messages on her cell phone in the last couple of weeks and she has never returned the calls. She is on the road with her job. I was concerned because she was flying into the area where Hurricane Gustav is. She has never called to say she has arrived safely, etc.
Do you think I am expecting too much???
I would like to ask her why she never calls but don't know whether I should or not?
Any advice you can give me would be most appreciated.
As a parent myself, we all want to know your child is safe, especially into days world. I would talk with her about it, and explain how you feel. If your sitting there all worried and upset, tell her. I would be upset if my daughter was traveling and I did not get an answer. When and if she becomes a mother, she will know how you felt. I think its just a communication problem. Why do people have these cell phones,if they are not going to use them? She needs to know how you feel. I think once a week is ok, unless she feels it is not. You cannot make them do what you want, they do grow up and go out on your there own. But I feel your pain.Let her know.
First off Ann I would like to say that you are a loving caring mother.And your children at any age will always come first in your life And that is how it should be. However you need to be aware that mothering and smothering can go hand in hand. And once our fledglings have left the nest,and they have learned how to fly They have to make their own way in this big world. And that way doesn't always include us parents in the ways that we see fit. Perhaps, For her to become closer to you you'll have to move away a bit, And let her live and breathe her grown up freedom.
Do hope this has been helpful to you,and I know where you're coming from. I moved from a modern nation where i felt useless and unneeded,and I guess that is what you are feeling right about now. But it's time that you let go, and that won't be easy, You carried her on your wings when she was growing up, But now she'll have to fly alone.
From a daughter...
I went through alot of the same issue with my mother. I've been on my own for 8 years and Im 28 years old. Sometimes there are just things going on in life that I want to work out on my own and sometimes I Just don't want to be found. I do realize that once a week isn't unreasonable and yes you worry but in time she'll come around. I did. Lots of times though I remember listening to the voice mail annoyed like I can't believe she just scolded me or thinking I'm fine mother I'll call you when you stop harrassing me. LOL ok I realize maybe it wasn't all that dreastic but thats how it feels sometimes when your trying to be independent and do things your own way. I still have my moments when I just don't want to hear it... I'm grown and I'll work out my issues my way. Yes i do now check in to stop her from worrying and i realize that is respectful but now if i'm in that mood of I don't want to be found or bothered.. they get a text message. You should suggest trying it.. cell phones are great. I can say i'm fine and not have to explain why i up and left the state. I just wanted to get away. Its not likely to get away from you its just we have our on lives and we like our independance. It doesn't mean she doesn't love you or respect you. Just for the record I usually talk to my mother several times a week now and live about 5 miles away. (on my own). But she's still my mother. lol and she will track me down
While I fully understand your concerns and need for contact from your daughter, I would like to reverse the question and ask how often a father should call his adult daughter? My father has never shown any concern for me and my kids (now grown) and my mom died at 45. All I have ever wanted was a call from him even once a month (he is local) asking me how I am and my husband and sons. Never. I see him at family parties on occasion. I think he is thoughtless and selfish. I have called him in the past, and he does not seem to appreciate the contact, and cuts the calls really short. Yet he visits one of my brothers quite often. The fact that you have to ask if you should tell your daughter how you feel about this shows there is a terrible lack of communication. You appear to be afraid of telling her basically that you love her dearly and miss her and would love more contact. While I applaud the fact that you raised a healthy and independent daughter who seems to be able to make it on her own, I do think it would be kind of her to call you once a week. That is not asking much. She may have her reasons for not wanting to call so often which can go from a busy and hectic lifestyle, to perhaps, being made to feel guilty by things you might say to her, to just being self-centered. Are you older folks? Try to cut back on worrying about her, and let go a little. Yes, do tell her that you would love to hear from her once a week and you miss her in a kind, loving way. Try to accept the outcome and do the best with it and keep yourself busy. Get close to another friend or relative who might need some special care or contact to fill some of the void. I pray that the daughter will come around for your sake. Maybe you can ask her to call you once a month to start and just be happy with that? Best wishes.
Great answer, Monkeyface, 2 thumbs up to you !!!
Just tell your daughter that you worried about her specially after Gustav. Let her know that you are still worried about her even if she is already grown up. I don't think she'll get upset if you ask her to call you at least once a month. Also she probably should know how her parents are doing.
Thanks DB Lady! I appreciate your taking the time to write and the great vote of confidence. Hugs, Monkeyface
Other people asked questions on similar topics, check out the answers they received:
Other people asked questions on various topics, and are still waiting for answer. Would be great if you can take a sec and answer them