My Husband had an affair on me with a co-worker ...

If you found the rubber than how can he deny it? Once trust is broken, its hard to get it back. The fear and pain you have is , you cannot beleive he did this, and is he still doing it? You need to sit down with him and talk, and get some help, if you feel its worth saving. Do you think he is still doing this?  I think having an affair is very hurtful , but bringing her to your home, makes it even worst, and finding the rubber. You have to ask yourself, do you need this problem? Do I deserve better than this? If he has no respect for you, than you need to move on. Its hard, but if you cannot trust him and you are in turmoil everyday, you need to talk with some. You been dealt a bad hand, and if he doesnt care if your in pain over it, perhaps it is not worth it, especially after one year. When you love someone, its hard to imagine them doing this type of thing. But have some self respect, you dont deserve to be treated this way. You need to follow your heart, and deep down, you probably know what is the right thing to do. But please get some help with this.And dont blame yourself, he is the one that is in the wrong.

He hasn't denied having sex with her.  He claimed that's all it was, but it ended up being more than just sex.  More Intamcy than i would care for.  He says he didn't want to hurt anymore than he already has and that is why he lied about the details of what they did.  I feel a lie is a lie.  We are going to counseling for marriage and for myself.  But I don't feel any relief.  He says I need to quit looking back and move forward.  but i am stuck in this depression and i can't seem to get out of it.  He says he loves me and wants it to work, but i seem to can't forgive him, or just scared to.  I wonder if I am just wasting my time and need to let go.  I told him, if he felt he couldn't be faithful to just tell me so i can move on and meet someone else.  But he says he can, he just Fxxxed up, and the whole thing was stupid, and he realized what he almost lost, and wants to do things right this time.  HE said he felt like sex what so important to him, it was all he thought about and when things weren't happening between us, it made it worse.  know all of a sudden he realizes its important, but not enought to ruin his marraige over.  I've tried to forgive him, but i don't know if i can.  Do you think in time you can get those feelings back, or am i just kidding myself

I went through the same thing, with my first husband. And we got help, but I could never trust him. Once trust is broken some people never can get it back, and live with this big hole in there heart. I dont know how long you have been together. If your a wreck every time he leaves the home, worrying, and if getting help doesnt work, than you have to come to terms with it. In my case, I forgave  him and he came back, just to do it again. I just knew he was doing it, and we didnt even have to talk about it, I just got out of the situation. Divorce isnt easy, and if you have kids, than perhaps you should try to stick it out. Only you know in your heart how you feel and what you should do. Its painful and you cant get it out of your head. I dont know if your kidding yourself. I guess time will tell. Do you think he is still doing it? If he has said to you, that he knows what he could lose, than perhaps he is sorry for what he did. But its how you feel, the everyday feelings. You cant live with doubt and pain, because that will destroy you in time. I know how you feel, but its all up to you. Talk to your therapist, and tell them you cannot shake this thing, and perhaps they may have a different approach. Good Luck, and God Bless.

I don't think he is still doing it.  He seems to be remorseful for what he did.  HE cries alot that he wishes i could get over this.  But I am so angry with what he did.  Knowing that affairs are wrong and destroy,  he has been hurt in the past with this and told me he would never do it cause it hurts to bad, and then he does it.  He said at that point in our marriage he wasn't sure he wanted to be with me, he had mixed feelings.  Then this happend and supposivey it was like a wake up call for him.  I am just so afriad of getting hurt again and wasting anymore years, i'm not getting any younger.

What he was saying is.... he didnt know if he wanted to be with you? Than he has a communication problem, or its an excuse. If he really is sorry, than give him another chance. If a year has gone by and you dont think he has done it again, than you need to not bring it up anymore. You have to make a choice. To forgive, which means to let it go, and not talk about it, or bring it up even when your fighting. If you cannot forgive, than he will have to make the decision, if he wants to live with you not trusting anymore. Its a tough one. If you really love him and want it to work, than you have to let it go, dont talk about it, and move on. If you cannot, than you have one tough decision to make. Its not easy to make a life changing decision.

i don't know about your personal life beyond what is in your message i.e. kids, age, employment. i have been cheated on before and i put that person out of my life and basically forgot about them. however there were no kids involved so it was easy. if my wife now, (been together for 10 1/2 years with 2 kids), cheated on me tomorrow, i would do the same thing except for dealings with the kids. i won't go so far as to say once a cheater..., but the trust and love you put in the relationship was totally disregarded and you were disrespected by the one person who should never do that. so i would say to leave him and move on to a more fulfilling relationship. either stay or go, but good luck to you with whatever you choose

Karen,

 My husband too had an affair.  He did not bring her to our home but he did travel hundreds of miles to have sex with her in her marriage bed.  He lied to me for  months.  Is it over, he says it is.  Funny, tonight he said that he is going to go to a concert with a male friend.  That is almost exactly what he first told me when that affair began.  He does not understand why I don't beleive him and don't trust him anymore.  He thinks that since he says it is over I should be okay.  What I know is that I am not ok.  I have forgiven him but I really don't know if I can ever forget the pain that he has caused our family.  I also do not know if I will ever be able to trust him.  Affairs are so destructive.  What I can tell you is to get help and support for yourself.  Find a reputable counselor and really use that person.  Really rely on the people who love you and support you.  I don't know your faith but I will hold you and your family in my prayers.

Hello , I know the feeling I just found out my husband had an affair 7 years ago with a co worker. I was pregnant at the time and I knew somthing was wrong I accused him and he lied and he kept lieing right up untill she facebooked him and wanted to add him as a freind (what she didnt know I check his facebook) She wanted to talk to him about their affair and wanted to rekindle it she gave quite a bit of details I now know the affair went on for months maby even a year.........The only thing is is that now I feel traped I am a mother of three dissabbled children and I only work minimum wage ,I dont think I love him anymore all the trust I gave him is gone I dont know what to do this is still so fresh .