I have been seeing a guy for 3 months and I really like him. I don't get butterflies, though I did at first. He told me soon after I met him that he was falling for me and because it was so soon, I was turned off. He spoils me and says hes in love with me, but I dont feel the same. We get along great and I am both sexually and emotionally connected to him. Why can't I fall for him? How long does it take to fall for someone? If I'm not infactuated with him, will I ever fall I love with him? Am I wasting my time?
Love comes in time. Relationships are not always fireworks and explosions, though it's nice when it is. Since you like each other, just take your time and see where it goes. If your all googly eyed for someone, it makes you blind. Have a great time and enjoy the ride.
I totally agree with MrJ. Give it time. As long as he's good to you, respects you, caring and thoughtful, you'll learn to love him. I think this kind of love is more stable than the love that is purely physical and sexual. This kind of love will stand the test of time.
Take care and appreciate him more.
Everybody is different, you may not fall in love with him because you DON'T love him. You may never love him and he may not really love you. People use this to get things from each other and then leave when they get tired of it. But back to you, maybe in time you can learn to love him but you can't ever make yourself love him. If your having a good time then just go with that, if he pushes for you to say "I love you" just tell him in time you might, only time will tell. One more thing, what is his past track record like?
Truth is that nobody wants to say, is either you love him or you don't. When you love someone, it fills your heart till it overflows. If i'ts not there, and you don't feel it, it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you, these things you mention are all meant for signs to move on. it it was there, you wouldn't be asking questions, because you would already know it for certain, in your heart, with all your being.
The fact that he said he "fell" in "love" so soon turned you off, this is telling you "something is not right" and you should always follow your "gut" feelings.
I was in a similar situation and the guy told me he loved me the first day! What?, I'm thinking, "dude, you don't even KNOW me yet, how could "love me" and that turned me off from the start. Like you, I tried everything to "love him" to "feel" love. For 6months! It just wasn't there.
And the truth was, he "didn't" love me. He was from out of state, and when he went back home about 6mos. later, he made all these promises to me, when first got home and called me, he started acting weird and stopped calling me as much. I tried and tried to get him talk to me the way he used to, by writing him "love" letters and giving him "gifts", etc. Then one day he called me, and he was all excited! My heart was thumping with excitement to hear his voice!
He called to tell me, he just got married! and said, "what's the matter?, aren't you happy for me?? I'll send you pictures!", and then preceded to give me "details" about them and how meant for each other they were. he rambled on for 30 mins, and I couldn't tell you waht he said, he just went on & on about his new life and his new love. I was crushed!!
The whole 6mos he was here and we togegther, I just didn't get excited and didn't have that "feeling" inside everybody talks about, no matter how hard I tried, to muster it up it just wasn't there. At first I blamed myself, if I had done this more, or been more like "her", etc, etc. He would have loved me. Wrong. He never loved me to begin with, or he would have kept his word and his promises to begin with.
Truth is, when love there and when love is not there, either way, you know it and feel it! Period. And only you will know and can know this. All the signs & warnings are there, don't betray yourself or lead him on, you'll only regret later and just prolong your destiny.
Love isn't fireworks & tingly feelings, that's excitement & sexual repsponses, that ignite and flow togehter,as a result of things the other person does out of their love for you.
Years after my experience with that guy, I met my true love, and he has been there for me during some of the most difficult times in my life and if I could describe my love for him, it is all about who he is as a person, all the wonderful things he has done for me and for others around him in his life! someone I truly admire and look up to, and yearn to be closer to, I don't have to muster this feeling up, it's already there. I owe him my life! And if you could ask him, he would tell you the same about me, we have this in common, it is a debt of love that can never fully be repaid.
We owe each other, our lives, THAT's, genuine love and that is love without end. It's about giving to the other person because of who they are "to you" and what they mean to you.
It's not about "falling' it's about growing, It teaches you about life, and truth, and you feel so comfortable alone with this one person, that the whole world disappears and you feel safe. It teaches you how to love yourself and gives you freedom to reach your highest dreams, and celebrates every success along the way. Genuine, Honest Love is truly "selfless" by nature of it self, it doesn't weigh or measure, or keep a record of wrongs, it will stand it's ground defending you, if you are down or sad, and give you world if it would make you smile, and even lay down one's life for you.
If this guy truly and genuinely loves you in this way, he will do these things for you and if you truly love him, you will both have the same desire within you, to do these things for him, For each other, not one-sided. without forcing yourself, without having to be told, or acting a certain way, rehearsing and such,
When it's genuine, it just flows and compels you from the inside to express it. When you think of the one you love, the mere thought of all they are to do, takes yur breathe away.....
Don't marry the one you can live with marry the one you can't live without!
Trust your "gut" feeling. Don't lead him on don't tell him you love him. If he doesn't get what he wants in time he will be in love with the very next person that comes along. There is nothing wrong with you some people you will connect with and other's you won't. I also agree with eldon what is his past like ? You really don't need a needy man
No but he is wasting his. When it is real you feel it and know it unless you have built too many walls to accept it.
Leave and give the guy the chance to have someone worthy of him.
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