Why would me estranged husband try to win me back just to throw me away again ?

I left my husband of 1.5 years, when he continued to cheat on me, lie, abandon me...among other things, it was hard to leave, because he was the love of my life. I packed up and moved to another state. I filed for divorce and briefly even dated someone. I did not see him in 6 months, changed my phone number. He emailed me constantly and after months of appologizing I finally gave in. My husband (who had also been dating again) wanted to see me. When we saw eachother he promised me that this time would be different, and he was sorry. I believed him because I never stopped loving him, no matter how hard I tried to move on I can not stop loving him. He asked me if I had been with someone else during our seperation, and I was honest, I told him that I indeed had 1 boyfriend. My husband told me that he didn't care, but that he only blames his own actions for me to try to move on with my life. He told me that he loves me, and wants me back in his life (and my daughter, his step daughter) we spend a beautiful weekend together, making plans on how we were going to reconcile and start over, we had sex, and he told me that he wanted to stay married and have a child(which we worked on

after a few days I did not hear from him...then he called me and told me that he can not get over the fact that I had sexually been with another man.

 We argued about it, I told him that I only tried to move on with my life the best way I knew how, because he treated me so badly and constantly cheated on me. I was willing to forgive him...but he is throwing it in my face.

I am confused, he tries for 6 months to win me back and then

he just throws me away again. He said that he will never stop loving me but that the thought of me and another man will always haunt him. I told him that the day before we met and had sex again, so he had a choice as to wheather to see me or not, I was just trying to be honest with him. Why did he tell me that he didnt care at first ? I am so cunfused. Should I just let it go and move on ? I do love him alot (even though he has hurt me alot in the past) we would have never been seperated if he had never done those things in the past. And when he was dating his girlfriend (who he denies having had sex with) he was all for the divorce...I am so confused. how can I go on from this ? I cant stop thinking about him, :(
Liked this question? Tell your friends about it

5 Answers

Order by
Oldest to Newest
Newest to Oldest
Votes

Hi,
Wow what a story, you can easily write a novel based on it.  It's very clear that you love him madly and you want to be with him but I am afraid it won't work.  No offence, please, but let me explain what really happend: He cheated and that made you to leave him.  It hurted his ego (for the first time he lost control). In order to "heal" his wounded ego he had to get you back... so he did everything he could to get you but as soon as he "got" you he acheived what he wanted and dumpt you.  That is the real reason.... he knew that you had someone else (he had as well) so it's sure not the real excuse....  and if he really wanted you and loved you it won't bother him.....  To sum it up: He did it to heal his wounded ego.....  I know it will be very (extremely) hard for you but move on, delete him from your mind, even if he tries again refuse, and find someone that deserves you.  You seem 2B a smart intelligent sensetive loving woman (I bet you are good looking as well) and hard as it be find your love and family with someone else (who will give you all what you deserve).  I appologize if I was too direct.
Best regards,

Love is the battery of life....

His actions are a prelude of what to expect if you decide to marry him again. Close the door on this sad episode and look for a healthier and more meaningful relationship with someone more mature.

Hello there. I was just surfing the web and stumbled upon your post. I'm deeply sorry to hear about this situation that you're in. From what I've concluded, you seemed to get the short end of the stick on this one but there's no need to fret. Love is such a powerful force that as humans, we sometimes do rash things. Yes, most people will tell you to move on with your life and they're right, but there's some things you should understand. Statistics (the only stat I'll use:) show that the man (or woman) you have spent the most time with is the person that you will have the most feelings for and/or marry. What you're feeling is a physiological attachment to the person you've spent the most time with and had the most feelings for.

So here is the situation you're in: You reunited back together for a short amount of time but to no avail, and you still have deep feelings for him but don't understand why he has done these things to you. Here is my advice to you:

-You need to put things into perspective. We're tiny little humans on a small planet in this vast universe. Our daily lives have little or no impact on the heavens. There's really no need to express anger, stress, or belligerent beahvior. On that same note, we are all very fortunate to have a place on this earth as humans, so we should do everything in our power to make the most of it. Our actions should reflect care and compassion for one another, and if a problem arises, we must be objective and come to a conclusion that will leave all parties satistfied and without stress. (In your case, you need to accept the fact that your previous relationship will not work and move on - In order to avoid further mental and physical anguish to yourself).

-Broaden your horizons. Sometimes it takes a 3rd party to tell you what you're doing and what you should change in order for you to realize how to improve your life. The experience you had with your husband and the feelings, actions and emotions that went along with it are purely the exerperience you had with him. It's like learn a new skill or hobby, you don't know anything about it untill you take the time to learn more about it. One you learn a little more you start to enjoy your new hobby and expand on it, learning more every day. You simply need to let go and find someone else. The experience will never be the same, but you need to approach the experience with open arms and an objective attitude. Who knows, the experience you have with the next man may be 10 times better then your previous relationship. You only have the previous one to base your thought process off of, which is why it's important to open your mind and be willing to change. Be confident that there are new experiences to find out there!

 One final note I'd like to make. If both people in a relationship are open to change, objective thinkers, respect for the other indivdual in regards to living in harmony, and open to whole hearted communication, then conflicts can often be avoided (for the most part:). The reason your husband did what he did (aside from the ego comment made) may be from one of the previous things I listed. Honestly, when I hear about these kinds of problems people have, even with my friends, it always ends bad and both parties don't really communicate. I often wish I could sit with them and just have them talk with one another in an objective manner, be repsectful of what each of them have to say, and listen well. I have faith in you - You will find someone who posses many positive traits and will respect you for who you are. I hope I helped some. I don't usually do this, but I was very moved by your post (hence the amount I wrote), so if you should feel the need to write me personally, you may - marty51514@hotmail.com

 Best Wishes

Hi,

    You need to just move on and let this man go.  You deserve one man who will love you and not play games.  It is your own decision to be happy.  If you keep entertaining him and the memory of him, you'll end up wasting your time and be a miserable woman all your life.

Take care.

Be honest and be true to yourself.

He cheated on you while married to you and living with you , and he cannot bear the thought of you being with another Man after the two of you were separated !   BIG DOUBLE STANDARD .  He used you for a big MALE EGO trip , you left him and hurt his male pride , so in his eyes he's now left you , even the score so to speak .

S.N.O.T.S. Snotsworth's fair lady snots'quus .... Wild & free protect the mustang !........ Bear down chicago bears!!......Hail purdue go boilers !..... Want a sure thing for your money . Lay it down to a thoroughbred rescue . Bet on life after racing !

Related Questions

Other people asked questions on similar topics, check out the answers they received:

Asked: NY state uncontested divorce

What's the best/cheapest way to get an uncontested divorce in NY state?

Asked: Women and divorce

If a wife wants a divorce from her husband, why has she not file for divorce in the past 4 months of being separated?

Asked: If the husband has an affair, then he comes back ...

If the husband has an affair, then he comes back to the marriage then 7 years later files for divorce can the wife claim emotional abuse for this?

More Questions

Abc news Where do I sign in for the Car give away? You are already on my

Well ABC doesn't view these things so I don't know if anyone from ABC will be answering your question. Might try google though. Try ABC's Site. Try searching for the giveaway. If you're having problems logging in to ABC's site, contact their support.

Aol custom away message how do I make a custom away message not the 3

In the drop down box that has your status, hit the arrow on the right side and then go to "New Away Message". Type the title of your custom message and put a check mark in the box that says "save with my away messages" so you can find it easily again. Then type your custom away message that will pop ...

Winning

Probably. If PCH contests weren't legit, they would have been exposed by now. However, like most lotteries, your odds of winning aren't very good.

Is there ever a time when a no win no fee would ...

exactly, a no win no fee solicitor will review your claim first before getting on it. he needs to figure it out if you have a strong grounds to win your claim. a no win no fee compensation or conditional fee agreement simply means that if a claimant lose his or her claim, he or she won't be paying ...