After a 12 year relationship/marriage falls apart ...

Hi, ----------- You are not going to like my answer but I have to be true with you and tell you exactly what I think (as a total; stranger). You need 2 things: A good psychologist and a good attorney. If you still love that man after all what he did to you (he simply used you !) you really need help..... The best thing you can do is let him go, close the door behind you and never look backwards. He is no good for you and only used you. Hire the best possible attorney that will make sure you get what you deserve to get. Don't have any mercey for him squeeze him to the last penny. Concentrate on your health, on your daughter, an on finding a man that deserves you. Behind your words I see a smart brave loving sensetive woman..... Don't let it hurt your self eateem / confidence. I appologize if I was too direct and blunt, I only ment to help you. -------------- Best regards.

Well, you are not alone in the ache of starting over and letting go.  A lot of women (including myself - took me ten years to leave the sob).  I also thought oh no - the best years of my life - my beauty - my career - my income....!

After four years away from it all, I found myself, my freedom, and realized that I am still beautiful and have a much stronger costitution than I would have ever belived in 7years ago.

I also agree with another answer to your post suggesting therapy. I found an excellent female psycologist and remained diligent and honest in my expensive sessions.  I required her to play hard ball with me, because I know I needed to grow quickly. She used her instincts with me as she saw fit, and I am thankful for her not always playing hard ball.

She also coached me during the final aspects of seperation (our relationship was not considered common-law marriage because we resided in NJ).  However, I was able to find the right loopholes with legal advice from esquires who practice family law.  Because we presented as husband and wife, and his father always introduced me as his daughter-in-law, I had him. A few letters from some resturant hostesses and bartenters and One phone call to his father from a lawyer was all I needed to regain some of my assests. (my payroll check stubs were used to refinace the father's business). Couldn't touch my ex, but I got his father to make him move, and move quick on liquid assessts.

About the dog.  I am an animal lover, and never had children.  But, you have to go into yourself and ask, 'is it about the dog, or does the dog give me an excuse to contact my ex?. My ex and I had six dogs, but this was the one and only area we did not fight. But, I had to realize that he was using the dogs to contact me.  So I arranged for a middle person pick up.  This was on the advice of my psycologist, and I know it was in the best interest to keep him away from me while I worked and me.

The work, the pain, the financial loss, the time, all of it was not wasted.  I am who I want to be and not what he wanted me to be.

You will be fine - Marion

Well, you are not alone in the ache of starting over and letting go.  A lot of women (including myself - took me ten years to leave the sob).  I also thought oh no - the best years of my life - my beauty - my career - my income....!

After four years away from it all, I found myself, my freedom, and realized that I am still beautiful and have a much stronger costitution than I would have ever belived in 7years ago.

I also agree with another answer to your post suggesting therapy. I found an excellent female psycologist and remained diligent and honest in my expensive sessions.  I required her to play hard ball with me, because I know I needed to grow quickly. She used her instincts with me as she saw fit, and I am thankful for her not always playing hard ball.

She also coached me during the final aspects of seperation (our relationship was not considered common-law marriage because we resided in NJ).  However, I was able to find the right loopholes with legal advice from esquires who practice family law.  Because we presented as husband and wife, and his father always introduced me as his daughter-in-law, I had him. A few letters from some resturant hostesses and bartenters and One phone call to his father from a lawyer was all I needed to regain some of my assests. (my payroll check stubs were used to refinace the father's business). Couldn't touch my ex, but I got his father to make him move, and move quick on liquid assessts.

About the dog.  I am an animal lover, and never had children.  But, you have to go into yourself and ask, 'is it about the dog, or does the dog give me an excuse to contact my ex?. My ex and I had six dogs, but this was the one and only area we did not fight. But, I had to realize that he was using the dogs to contact me.  So I arranged for a middle person pick up.  This was on the advice of my psycologist, and I know it was in the best interest to keep him away from me while I worked and me.

The work, the pain, the financial loss, the time, all of it was not wasted.  I am who I want to be and not what he wanted me to be.

You will be fine - Marion

I have found in my life time that some people will use you for all they can get. They may even get good at playing psycological games saying they love you and care.. but always with an agenda, always with (their own) interest at heart. It's pure evil... and evil is always, eventually, Exposed! Run like hell away from this man. He has sown some really bad seeds for himself and his children, and now he only stands to reap what he has sown!

Be so happy that you are not him and that you are free!  Read your own tag-line, I like it! You are a very strong and intellegent woman with many more good years ahead of you!  Play it smart, protect what's yours, and keep your eyes on God. All of this has happened in your life for a reason, aren't you just dying to find out what God has instore for that man!?  Believe me, you won't want to be anywhere near him to experience it!