My daughter is 17 and having sex?

My daughter is 17 and is having sex with her boyfriend whom she's been with for almost two years. She claims that they use protection and "have feelings for each other" she also claims that they have gotten tested for STDs but I don't care. She needs to realize that shes still a little girl and should be doing what little girls do, and that's NOT sex. I've told her before that she needs to remain a virgin until she's in her 30's or until she's married because I'm her mother and what I say goes. She needs to listen to me and follow my rules. I've tried to send her to a boot camp but they wouldn't accept her due to the fact that she doesn't do drugs, drink alcohol, or steal. But still It doesn't matter she needs to stop having sex. I've tried to monitor her to lakeside she's not having sex, but you know how hard that can be. All my friends tell me that I need to let her grow up but I don't care. As long as she's under my roof she WILL NOT have sex no matter how she feels about her boyfriend. Does anyone have any tips on how to control her and make her stop?

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Someone please answer this cause I can't

Oh my, is this real? I hope you're pulling our legs but if you're not, then you need some help before you lose your daughter forever. You need to hate the sin but love the sinner. She's nearly grown now so please try to see her side of things and listen to her without making orders. Make sure your daughter has protection and uses it the right way every time. And then just be there for her because she may need to turn to you if she breaks up with this boy.

I think you are a little too late.  She's 17 now...the time to make an impact on her life has passed, I'm afraid. 

Waiting until she is 30 years old is a little extreme...and unrealistic.  Maybe you should have only encouraged waiting until she was engaged to be married.  I think your expectations were a little too high.  I have an 18 year old daughter...myself.  She's still a virgin.  All I ever did was stress the above about waiting until she is engaged to be married and knows she is going to spend the rest of her life with this man...and she needs to save her virginity for the man of her dreams.  What I DID STRESS...was her education.  From the time she was old enough to start school...I have been brainwashing her to get a college degree, a good career...a beautiful life and career of her own...and THEN a man, see some more of the world and enjoy time with him before having a family.  To wait until they <as a married couple> are financially able to bring children into the world without being financially unable to take care of them...wait until they can appreciate and enjoy the children...and not regret ever having them.  I expressed all the consequences of having sex at an early age...NOT my rules and regulations...only what's best for her...for her to be happy.  That's all a parent should want for their children...to be happy. 

Now...if she decides otherwise...she still has my love and support.  She starts college in the fall and is going to also work a job to contribute at home.  She is a very responsible and dedicated young adult.  So...this worked for us.  She also has a boyfriend who was influenced in this same way...and they are waiting until they are married.

She is NOT on birth control.  To me...and as her boyfriend said...also...That is like giving them permission to have sex...and doesn't leave anything up their self control...and shows very little belief or faith in them to act responsibly. 

Once again...I only try to influence their lives positively and lovingly...I don't LAY down my rules.  BUT I DO...expect respect.  I work and I can't stop them from having sex in my home...I have to just trust they won't...and until I have reason to believe they have disrespected and lost that trust...I will keep trusting.  I believe in her...and her boyfriend.  I TRUST THEM...and I sincerely BELIEVE they won't destroy that trust. 

I have always allowed my daughter to make her own choices.  I give advice when I am asked for it.  I pray she will MAKE the right choices every night...and I have left it in God's hands.  I can't worry about it...it's in His hands now.

I hope this helps you somehow.  I honestly do.  I feel for you.  I pray you can turn all your lives around...

Best wishes, health and happiness,

Faye Kiss

"A daughter holds your hand for only a short while...but she holds your heart forever."

You received 2 excellent amswers.  I'll be short:  You are much too late.  You'll never be able to control her and you won't be able to stop her doing it.   Having said that I beg you to concentrate on NOT loosing her (may be you don't realize it but you are on the brinks of loosing her).  You have to change your paredigmas.   Accept her as she is, don't try to change her, create good and possitive relations with her, don't control her and don't be her boss..... try to be her mother + friend.   Please please pleae, read my notes carefully, try to apply it, don't just ignore that advise !.   

Love is the battery of life....

Here's the reality. Teenagers are going to have sex whether their parents want them to or not. They always have, they always will. You need to accept that. I got my daughters birth control, and tried to teach then not to not have sex, but to only have sex with someone you love. If you keep acting like a fanatic toward your daughter, you're going lose her. And believe me, you may not think so, but she needs you as much as you need her. It would be a tragedy for her to lose the person she SHOULD be able to talk to about anything.

If a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, then that makes me a burning truck filled with TNT hurtling through a rocket fuel depot.

You seem very angry. I'm sorry you are scared of losing your little girl but I wish you could see that the more you react this way, the faster you lose her. If she is 17 then she is almost grown because at 18 she can legally decide things for herself. Expecting her to wait until her 30's is ridiculous. Wanting her to wait until she's married is normal, but you can't make that choice for her. You can make rules about what she does in your house but you can't watch her every minute to make sure she follows them and you can't control what she does when you're not home.

Your daughter is already having sex. She's not going to ask you for permission and making sure she has protection and knows how to use it is not the same as giving her permission, it's making sure she won't be a mom before she's really ready to be one. You are so busy trying to control her that you can't see the forest for the trees but pretty soon you may not have her around to control at all because the more you push to try, the more she's going to push away. Why are you so angry? Are you trying to stop her from making a mistake you made when you were her age? If that's it, then maybe you should tell your daughter the truth and explain your thinking to her instead of just giving orders that don't make sense to your daughter.

Send her to a girls only boarding school.  That's about the only way, and if when she's 18, graduated, etc?  Tell her if she won't follow your house rules she can't stay under your roof.  Then enforce it.

Well, then she'll have lesbian sex.

If a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, then that makes me a burning truck filled with TNT hurtling through a rocket fuel depot.

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