I'm telling you, it is a definite conspiracy!
1. The paranoids are out to get me!
2. The Government is installing mind control chips in leftist liberals to make sure they remain gibbering idiots for life!
3. Paranoids Unanimous (P.U.) is under covert investigation to find out who all their members are, and the conspirators will stop at nothing!
4. All the cats in America, WALK ON THEIR TOES!
5. All the dogs in America are genetic replicants of trees! That is why they bark!
6. All the newlywed wives in America are trying to murder their husbands with Hamburger Helper, Spam, and Top Ramen!
7. All the newlywed husbands in America are trying to bore their wives to death with tales of how they won every football game they ever played (and she was one of the cheerleaders, disgusted with the fact that, "The Fighting Aardvarks" lost again 71-0).
8. The paranoids are out to get me . . . just checking.
9. Every college in America is causing leftist liberals to take fluff courses because they hired teachers who graduated on fluff courses, who took fluff courses because the college hired teachers who graduated on fluff courses . . ..
10. The Government is trying desperately to suppress all conspiracy theories because . . ..