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A confused woman

Ive had the same "boyfriend" for 6 years. I met him while i was pregnant with my daughter. He was at the hopistal when she was born and helped me name her. He has been her father since day one.We have a son togethier also. My children's father has constantly cheated on me. At first it was just him sleeping with other women and i overlooked that because he took very good care of me and my children.And I love him. The last encounter he had was different though.He moved out of our home to live with this woman. He never stopped taking care of my household, me , or our children. Him and this lady were becoming serious, I think he was in love with her. Recently he found out that she may be cheating on him. He now wants to come back home and "get married".I love this man but i dont trust him. Im scared that he'll forgive this woman and leave me again. Even though he says that he wont.Do I give the man who has provided me with almost everything(material wise) another chance? Or do I just walk away?

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Hi,


The easiest solution is to go away.  Better try to create "normal" marritial life with him.  Discuss it (openly and deeply) with him, prepare exactly what and how you are going to say, and tell him exactly what you feel and want.  Tell him you and the children love him and emphasize that you appreciate his constant care to you and the children then tell him that you (both) have to live in trust and the way he behaved "ruined" that trust..... but you are willing to go a an extra mile and delete the past and start from the begining provided that he can promise you that from now on that cheating will stop forever.  Even ask him how can he guarantee it ?  Only if you (both) can reach a mutual understandung / agreement go for it. 
I wish you the best of luck,
Love is the battery of life....

I would so much want to hear his side of the story because this is such an unusual story. His concern and care for you and the children during his infidelity are signs of a man who is willing to accept responsibility and that is to his credit. I think you can accept his offer of reform but you should insist that he undergo some type of therapy to enable him to assume the role of a faithful mate. 

Very strange. I wouldn't trust such a man and this situation is so peculiar that I don't know how you can reach a solution. If you decide to trust him you have to be prepared for the chance of disappointment. He doesn't sound too stable and you'll never know where it might hit you.

Think carefully if this is the type of life you want. On the other hand it may turn out to be OK but this possibility seems less likely to me.

I find it hard to believe , how you agreed staying with him all this time. If he provided your needs material wise and you overlooked his actions it looks like his love towards you doesn't really matter. I think if you are worried about the future you should talk it openly with him like advised before , I would suggest adding a perpetual agreement maybe this would make you feel more confident. It sounds horrible but maybe this will get him to stay after you will re-marry.

I think there is something unhealthy with this situation. It's your decision to make but reading the things you wrote, I don't see why you should expect things to be different from now on. Don't settle for mediocrity.

ur problem "like it or not" is a typicl one. the problem is  in either two:

u or him, HIM : he can be THAT type of men who always has to have someone new  or

it can be U so my advice to u is.....

take him in but without getting married "if u dont want to be attached to some one u dont know if he'll stick around in the future" but u have to do a lot of work on ur side, it might be that the presence of chideren in  ur life cooled things a bit between u guys, show him that u can fullfill his every need and give him some extra attention, im not sayin its gonna be easy with the kids responsibilty , but u have to work on it a bit harder before deciding to let go of a 6 years relation. i'm sure that a lot of things faded from ur love life, fire it back again with an extera twist, find a way for ALONE time with him, just remember to ask ur self of the reason that migh drived him into that other womans arms,

like i said , it can be u or him, try and find out what is wronge with who and eventually u'll find the answer?best whishes Cool

Relationships are about a lot of things. Taking care of you and the kids is just one aspect of it. It seem to me like for you, that was enough, as long as he held his financial and emotional relationship to the kids, you were happy, or at least content with not getting the attention and affection that  are usually associate with the role of girlfriend.

People make different situation work for them. It's very hard not to get judgmental over your boyfriend and you.  Honestly, I think he's a mess and you have a very low self asteam to live in an impossible emotional state in which your guy can have sex and is at risk of leaving everytime he meets an attractive woman. 

Marriage will not prevent this from happening again, I think that now, he's hurt from the other girl cheating and want the comfort and stability of marriage, but after his ego recover and he meets another girl, he will have sex and maybe leave again.

What would help?! I'm not sure,  probably you working on yourself and getting more confident through life, understanding that you deserve to be loved and to have the stability of a fully committed partner.

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i suggest very strongly that you don't take him back. there is a chance he will do it again. please find someone else.  you don't deserve somebody like him. please find somebody else. 

have a great day! i hope all is well with you i hope you find your missing loved ones. as i hope mine will come home too. just try to keep postive. never give up hope.

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