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Hello, Im confused about being sexually abused ...

Hello, Im confused about being sexually abused. This has been bothering me for a while. It involved my older brother. I remember learning about masturbation from him and my other brother. They took me to their room and asked me to take my penis out. Im not sure if they asked me to masturbate but I kinda remember them saying that guys masturbate together and to never talk about this again. I remember coming out of this experience kinda confused and nervous. The second time. I would share a bed with my oldest brother. He's like 2 or 3 years older than me. I would sleep to my side. I remeber I fantazing abut him. Not sure if it happened before or after he began touching me. I just remember one night he dry humped me and I pretended to be asleep. Im not quite sure how many times he did this before the actual physical contact. Then finanly one night as he was dry humping me from behind my ass he tried to take my pants off. I remember being very scared. He tried to to pull my pants off and my heart raced and I pretended to be asleep or at least kept my eyes shut as he struggled to undo my pants but he couldn't undo them and so I helped him undo the pants and allowed him touch my ass, I think, I allowed myslef to move back toward him and he ejaculated on my ass as he couldn't get erect enough to penetrate me. Later on I remember going to the shower and being very confused and feeling very dirty. He later came into the shower as I was showering and asked me why I allowed him to do this. I said I don't know I guess I just wanted to try it. He, again, also mentioned to never talk about this again and I agreeed by simply saying ok...still shocked by evrything that had occured and remember that shower being the longest I've ever taken as I coudn't stop thinking and feeling sooo guilty and dirt for allowing this to happen. Ever since then for long time I refused to share a bed with him or for that matter with anyone. I wanted to sleep alone. I can't quite remember the age that this happeded but I think its between 4th and 8th grade. Sometime around there. Was this abuse? Please help. Would any of this explain why I'm sooo emotional sometimes? Thank you.

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It's both sexual abuse and incest. You need to seek a therapist who can help you through these issues so can can learn to have normal relationships and learn how to assert yourself so that no one takes advantage of you again.

If a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, then that makes me a burning truck filled with TNT hurtling through a rocket fuel depot.

Many brothers, young friends experiment sexually. Where this crosses the line is that he was older, therefore held some power over you. Even though you said you stayed in the bed, you 'let' him touch you, you'helped' him by taking down your pants...it doesn't necessarily mean you really wanted to. You may have felt you had no choice. In this respect they were abusive experiences you went through. At any time in our lives when something doesn't feel right and leaves us guilty or confused, seeking counseling can help walk you through and process what happended in a healthier way. There are also lots of groups for exactly this type of processing. Good luck to you.

Teenagers experiment with sex. It doesn't have to leave emotional scars. Thinking about it as dirty doesn't help. Now, it's time to look for mature relationships.

We,re all waiting in line to die so let,s make the best of life.

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