Discuss n's answer to: I am very confused and scared, please help.

I think you act the way you do, because your parents taught you to act that way, and you have not broken away from their teaching.

If you can afford to go to cognitive therapy, it might help you come to terms with the way your parents groomed you for failure.  If not, then read about the subject.  There are many good books available online in regard to our continuing to listen to the words and attitudes that raised us.

If you can realize that when you act out certain things you are acting like the Dad who raised you, it will help.  Finding out or simply realizing how you got to be who you are should help you.     Most people grow up and mature enough to accept Mom and Dad and their ways as having done the best they knew how, when raising us.  We understand them and we forgive them and we move away from them.  It is time for you to stand up for the person you know you are, and not this person you think you are.  Happiness will come your way, when you stop being the little girl  who followed directions, and become the young adult woman you've decided you want to be.