Posted by coriandermay 3 years ago In:

romance, advice, relationships, love, marriage, trust, relationship advice, relationship help, trust issues, love advice, advice on any topic, trust problems, relationships and trust, trust in a relationship, boyfriend advice

Concerned about relationship

am a little concerned about the relationship I am in....... both me and my BF talk about everything and anything but with the breakup we had this year and him still tryin to get over someone from such a long time (which is over 6 yrs & I think is way to long to chase after someone and not get anywhere especially after a breakup like we had).....(which I have told him a time or 2 that if we r to get any further with our relationship that he needs to get over her/ start getting over her)..... cause whenever either is brought up we both get so upset about it then he tells be to stop when I am trying to get something explained the way I see it and feel about it and it seems as if we argue when we talk about it cause he keeps telling me to stop arguing about it when I don't mean to..... so I am not sure if it is a good thing that we talk about it or not and if we will last cause we talk about getting married and having kids in like a couple years but for some odd reason I sometimes think he really isn't being serious about it since we have been dating for a little over 2 yrs and not sure when and if he will ever ask me to marry him or not....... so am worried a little if this relationship will last a long time or not?!

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Daniel Answered:

Hello coriandermay,

I remember you from the last time you where here and I see that basically the same thing is still going on. This tells me that you might have what is refered to as a co-dependency. It is a type of addiction to each other in a way that causes dis-ease (at least for you), and you have difficulty making the necessary adjustment needed to create a funtional relationship with him.

It seems to me that he is trying to fill a gap that he is unaware of. When one forms a relationship in order to fill a 'gap,' a co-dependency will form. What that means is that each person involved uses the relationship to satisfy their own lack, or inner pain and fear. This is why the same type of uncomfortable situation continuously comes up, with no resolution. When and if a resolution is presented, there is resistance; like any other addiction.

Because you are the one who wants to create change in your relationship; becuase you are the one who wants to see your relationship for what it really is, you must take the necessary steps to do so. Your friend is apparently afraid to do this.

It is important for you to examine, for yourself, the aspects of this relationship. With brutal honesty be clear with your motives and emotional ties. Be clear with what you see going on between you two. Is this healthy for you? Does this bring you Joy, or fear and pain? Sometimes we can become addicted to fear and pain and give it the illusion of happiness. Becoming aware of this can be quite challenging; but, it will make you stronger. It will elevate your spirit. You will be able to, once and for all, see with clear vision. The decisions you will make at this point will be solid. They may be momentary painful, but you will know what you are doing, and that you are right with yourself.

This action, it itself, can even help to stimulate the necessary changes in him, so that he can examine his beliefs and expectations in relation to your togetherness.

You may, or may not, stay together, but, you will know who you are, and you will have a better understanding of your place in the universe.

With Kind Regards,

Daniel

Posted 3 years ago
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david Answered:

see my advise you guys are really love with each other . Bt due to ego clashes you think of your breakups . Better sit together and solve your problems atleast for a week or so . If not get a 3rd person help so that you gel up together again and continue relationship .

Posted 3 years ago

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kpopp Answered:

Concerned?

Yes, of course, I would be concerned too. There are just too many problems that need a resolution. Problems about his past relationship, not feeling free about talking about his present relationship to you and, of course, questions about a possible marriage.

Unfortunately, you present only one side of the story. Have him post his own view about your relationship. I am certain that you have tried your best to be fair but another view can only help in resolving your problems. In the meantime check out my website and its recommendation.

Posted 3 years ago

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Lucy Answered:

If he can't get over his past relationship I think you should separate and give him some time.. Only then will he realize what you really mean to him...It's really hard to be in a relationship when one of you still has feelings for your ex.

Posted 3 years ago
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john556 Answered:

I think that he should definitely have had some time to get over this other person before getting involved in a serious relationship with you.

You say you have been together for "little over two years" ~ this is a LONG time. Every single day is precious, and you deserve better than to feel like second fiddle to his past love.

I think that you should take a stand for himself, and tell him that he can only have one person in his heart at a time, and when he is prepared to move forward with YOUR relationship and not talk about his ex anymore, then you will be willing to be with him. This is depending on whether you have waited for him.

The fact that he doesn't want you to talk about how you feel about the situation is because it upsets him to talk about this other girl he is still probably in love with.

Posted 3 years ago
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Doug Answered:

This may hurt,but the truth must out. You don't have a relationship, You have a friendship with benefits . Most men and women don't get over EX's,and neither will he. Please, Do move on with your life in the fast-lane, not the past-lane.

Doug.

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nomorepbreaks Answered:

Hello, I understand the fears you are describing and you should acknowledge & face the fears. If you are feeling bad more often than good, then it's probably time to end the relationship and move on with life. The way to understand relationships, is to realize that some are meant to be for a long time and others for a shorter time. When you find your true soul-mate, those fears will be diminished. I like to think of it like this...if you are a glass of water and you are happy in life, the glass is 3/4 full (you are missing a mate). If your partner is not happy in life and their glass is 1/4 full, your partner is not at the same point in time as you and is not ready for a permanent relationship. It is important to understand where each individual was at the moment that the relationship began. If you never started at the same place in time, you will never finish at the same place or at the same time. I hope you understand what I am saying. May you find love and be happy when the right person comes along! I will pray for your happiness and that you have a safe journey as you travel through life!!!