Get my brother to move on!!

Hi,

Better Watch out......  you play with explossives....  It's a very very very delicate situation.....  If you manage to convince him, he might hate you for the rest of his life (yes, true, he can also be thankfull).....  It all depends on what kind of person he is and what is the specific situation(how old he is ? Strong / weak personality ? high / low self esteem ? emotional history ? how open he is ? how matured he is ? how much is he dependent on her ? how much does he love her ?).  I would strongly recommend that you go with him to an experienced marriage counselor..... It could be "too heavy" for you and, as I started, it can be explossives (so better be very carefull !).  
Best regards,

Unfortunately you can't. This is something that he will have to decide on his own.

 

If you keep pestering him about it, then he will feel that you are trying to control his life and manipulate him also. This can cause a lot of resentment and that is not something you want between family members.

 

The best thing you can do is to try and understand how he feels and try your best to except his decision. He is an adult and has to live with his choices.

 

Good luck and best wishes. 

I don't think there's anything you can really do. Unless he sees the things you're talking about himself I don't think there is really a way to convince him without destroying your relationship. I know this isn't the answer you where looking for but there are some things that people have to figure out for themselves and no one can make them hasten the process.

Without question, you need to support him in his decision. Sounds horrible, doesn't it? It's true. What he needs from his family is support and love. Clearly, he knows how all of you feel. If he has made this decision to take her back, your job as family is to be supportive. "Grin and bear it". Something about the whole "I can have her back" gets men like him to take their wives back after cheating. (May be an internal male ego thing.) Maybe he will get lucky and she truly feels horrible and will mend her wicked ways. Probably not. The bottom line is, she is and always will be a cheater and her true colors will come out again. Sooner or later he will see her for what she is and kick her butt to the curb. Then he will be stronger because it will be his decision. He will remember that his family supported him through all of it. Just remember... at this point she would love for all of you to be against him... then she wins... you become the enemy. Don't let her win!

Love is a strange emotion even when betrayal is involved...it is important to give your brother his space because ultimately HE has to make the decision of whether to move on or try to reinvent the marraige and their relationship. Maybe a card that expresses how hard it is to see him distraught and explain the importance of him being with someone who reflects what his ideas of marraige are and that most importantly, that you love him.  Remember that it takes two individuals to make a relationship go wrong. If everything were wonderful a straying partner would NOT enter into the equation. It also take two people to make a relationship right - so best of luck to your brother...and that includes sister-in-laws as well!

Hi,

I really agree with your answer but how can the family deal with the relationship in the meanwhile? It's really hard to be nice to someone you don't respect. 

GoodKarma, I do sympathize with you, really. I know it's extremely difficult... love and family often are... but they are worth it. Focus on why you are doing it. You are doing it for him and he is worth it. Just try your best to be nice and supportive. Try to remember the things (if any) that you liked about her before and focus on that. If your family is supportive, who knows, you may make the difference in their marraige. She may truly be sorry and change... eventually making it easier for you to genuinely like her again. Let's face it, we all make mistakes, some bigger than others. She may not change and he will need you then as well. Just support him... that's what you would want from him. What you need to keep in mind is that if all of you are angry and it's obvious that you still resent her and don't support him... that is negative and all of you will be miserable. No good can come from that negativity. If you try your hardest to support him, and you are pleasant to both of them, maybe you can share some positive, happy memories while he is going through this transition. All of you need to get together and decide that he is worth the discomfort of being nice to her... that you are going to have treasured family time that won't be interrupted by her destructive decision. You are a family... it's worth it. - Hang in there!

Hi Family,

As for your male family member you must let him decided on his relationship. He will eventually see threw the what shes doing. Everyone must learn on their own. He then want feel so bad when he finally make up his mind on his own. It will soon be over for her leaving and coming back. Just try and pray for him and it will all work out.