Why does my boyfriend treat me like shit?

Why does my boyfriend treat me like shit? I been with him for 3 years and for the past 9 months we've been contently argueing and fighting about the stupidest things.. He talks to me like shit, he shows NO LOVE!! He barley even talks to me unless i ask him a question.. He claims hes never wrong im always the one at fault! I know i can be hard on him when it comes to him going out with his boys but he's lied to me in the past so thats where that insecurity comes from.. I dont know what to do anymore he's made me so insecure i find myself constently asking him questions and at times accuseing him of doing stuff hes probably not doing.. I try to change and trust him but then i wonder why he talks to me like shit, why he never show me love & ect.. He says he treats me like this cuz hes sick of me always accuseing him of shit hes not doing.. Well if its like that then he should prove me other wise but dont.. I really dont know what to do anymore.. Someone help me please22Cry


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Perhaps a better question would be, "Why do I allow myself to stay with someone who treats me like shit?"

Ladyluv3, YOU must love and respect yourself first. If you do not, then no one else will!

I don't know how old the two of you are, but your boyfriend sounds immature or abusive or both.

You cannot change his behavior, you can only change the way you react to it.

And I suggest you react to it by breaking off this relationship and taking some time with yourself. You need to figure out why you allow yourself to be treated "like shit." Insecurities are one thing, but if the people in a relationship love and trust each other, then they TALK about their problems.

They do NOT treat each other like shit, barely speak to one another, blame all of the relationship problems on the other person or lie to each other.

In your own words, the above describes the kind of relationship the two of you have. Is that truly what you think a relationship should be like?

Please think again.

Dump him and start over.

Turn off the television and teach your children how to think. ~ Believe none of what you hear and half of what you see. (B. Franklin) ~ I do not respond in Comments ~ Trespassers will be eaten. Cowards, idiots and spammers will be shot on sight. ~ YeddaHeads

Hello, it sounds like you have alot on your plate.YOU might even be the problem have you sat down and thought about what you might be doing wrong.If a person is always being accusing of some than must of the time they will feel pressured and they will not want to be around you.If he has done wrong in the pass and you stayed with him then leave all the pass behind and move on to the furture.You can't have things both ways.You talk so much about how he treats you that you have no understanding in why?It is because you keep on talking about old shit.If he treats you like shit and talk to you like nothing this should mean for you to change your ways.Don't think that this man is still doing the same thing.Give him a little respect and tell him that you are sorry for keep on talking about old stuff and you want to feel loved by him and you want to show him that you are trying to changed your ways as well.So relax and think about what you can do different.


I have seen a lot of your answers and a couple of them are passable, but most are not.

This one is NOT!

You CANNOT tell someone in this kind of a situation that s/he "might ... be the problem" and s/he should "change your ways."

What in the H*LL are you thinking? Do you even know the warning signs of an abusive partner?

I will grant that this situation doesn't sound quite to that point, but it is definitely on the edge!

Is she without fault in this relationship? Absolutely not. NO problems in a relationship are EVER just ONE PERSON'S fault.

But we only know the story she's presenting - and what she presents says that her boyfriend does not understand how to fight fairly (at the very least) and he MAY be abusive (in the worst case scenario).

Please stop answering questions like this if you cannot give sensible answers.

P.S. Ladyluv3 (and Monica, for your edification) here is a web site which lists warning signs of an abusive relationship. Please pay attention:


Turn off the television and teach your children how to think. ~ Believe none of what you hear and half of what you see. (B. Franklin) ~ I do not respond in Comments ~ Trespassers will be eaten. Cowards, idiots and spammers will be shot on sight. ~ YeddaHeads

I dont bring up the past. What i do bring up is the fact that he still lies to me till this day he's never stopped.. & those little lies hes throwing at me make me not believe him about anything. I've tried talking to him about this problem and all he does is blame everything on me.

here's some info that I think will really help good luck!


People will treat you how you ALLOW them to treat you. If you let him treat you as you have described above he will continue to do so. I agree with JK on this one, We as women (most of us anyways, myself included) need to learn to love and respect ourselves if we expect it from the men we choose to have in our lives. Iknow I definitely need to. I know what I want and dont want and how I want to be treated by a man yet I find myself letting the things I dont want/like happen!!! Im sure this is what is happening to you also, Im sure you dont want any man treating you like he is but yet it is happening and you're questioning and seeming to be blaming yourself, when it is not all you!!! He isnt doing right by you girl, and if he chooses to continue in this path you need to end this relationship. You deserve better and I truly believe you know that deep inside. I know that it sucks to be alone and try to get over a guy you care about and to start from scratch again with someone new but if you want to be treated right and get the respect, love, and appreciation you deserve you have to start off by realizing, knowing and believing that you deserve the very best from a guy that says/claims he loves you and wants to be with you and NEVER settle for anything less then you know you deserve girl!!! There is a saying "You have to love yourself before you can love someone else" or better yet be loved by someone else...believe that you deserve to be treated better then you are being treated!!! Dont stand for that kind of treatment, be strong and walk away and let him know you arent taking that crap anymore!!! It will be hard, yes, it will be scary, yes, but you CAN DO IT!!! This isnt love and you deserve the very best from a guy!!! I wish you the very best!!! Take care and listen to that voice thats telling you this isnt right and you WILL find better!!!

omg im right there w/ u with my boyfriend. except we havent been together 4 3 yrs.! its only been 7 mnths but still thats kinda my first long relationship. but he always likes 2 make it seem like everythings my fault & like i dont do ne thing. i cant ever get affection out of him, but when i try 2 break up w/ him he comes crying bak to me saying he loves me & doesnt wanna lose me. i dont get y he plays games w/ my head & y he always wants me bak! and i feel so stupid 4 remaining w/ him. i dk its kinda like hes got a spell on me & im not strong enough 2 break it. sometimes us as women gotta be stronger & prove that we dont deserve that kinda treatment & that we can do w/out them! so i am definatly in whole hearted agreement w/ tasha1983 & jkgrandma!

I'm in the same position that you are. I have been dating this guy for two years on and off we both cheated on each other this past summer because we were far away from each other for two months and everything just went downhill. Now were back at it again and were trying to overcome all the obstacles that face us but whenever we get into a fight im always the one to back down and apologize even if it wasnt my fault. He constantly hangs up on me when things dont go his way calls me names and makes me feel unwanted. When were together things are usually better but he is a very jealous person. He gets mad at me whenever he says something to me and fight back and calls me annoying. This past week i spent the night at a friends house along with some other group members we were working on a campaign for school and he kept calling and texting telling me off and calling me a bunch of names because he does not trust me. What am i suppose to do? i know the right thing to do is leave him but im not strong enough. I am so tired of this. He never fights for us! its so frustrating. And then whenever i complain about him not doing something ie this past valentines he didnt even get me a gift he gets all upset and plays the self pity card on me. someone help me ! please!

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